Trump Just Asking Why He Wasn't Criminally Charged Years Ago, How Many More Indictments Coming Before He Dies
Trump Just Asking Why He Wasn't Criminally Charged Years Ago, How Many More Indictments Coming Before He Dies
1. Dunno! 2. The indictments will stop the second it stops being fun for America.
There are however many days left until Donald Trump is indicted again for the 40 millionth time. Could be this afternoon! Could be a different day.
Friday, Wonkette had a check-in on where things stand with Fulton County D.A. Fani Willis, who it looks like is going to make her move in Atlanta in the next three weeks. Special Counsel Jack Smith is going to start raining down January 6 indictments whenever he fuckin’ feels like it.
And Trump is beginning his newest week of fresh hell SCREAMING.
As is always the case, whatever wailing we post is merely an excerpt of the full babble-wauling he’s doing, which includes re-"truthing" the shut-in weirdos who slumber party with him each night on Truth Social.
Late last night came this:
He said in mostly all caps, but not 100 percent all caps:
How many times can Crooked Joe Biden’s DEPARTMENT OF INJUSTICE, TOGETHER WITH THEIR LOCAL DEMOCRAT D.A.’S & A.G.’S, INDICT HIS POLITICAL OPPONENT DURING THE COURSE OF THE CAMPAIGN? DO THEY UNDERSTAND THE DAMAGE BEING DONE TO AMERICA? IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE. WE MUST STOP THESE “MONSTERS” FROM FURTHER DESTROYING OUR COUNTRY!
It’s like he forgot to hit caps lock for the first six words but didn’t know how to go back and fix it once he did.
Anyway, the answer is LOTS MORE TIMES! But it’s not a coordinated conspiracy theory and it has nothing to do with Biden’s “political opponent,” since Trump only declared for president so he could scream “election interference!” AND PROBABLY OUT OF A FALSE AND MISPLACED HOPE THAT MAYBE HIS STATUS AS A CANDIDATE WOULD MAKE SOME PEOPLE RELUCTANT TO HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE FOR HIS MILLIONS OF FUCKING CRIMES AGAINST AMERICA AND HUMANITY AT LARGE.
Darnit, looks like the middle-of-sentence caps lock disease has stricken the Wonkette as well.
He continued to frantically blubber:
Do you think that A.G. Garland, and Deranged Jack Smith, understand that we are in the middle of a major political campaign for President of the United States? Have they looked at recent poll numbers? Why didn’t they bring these ridiculous charges years before — Why did they wait to bring them NOW — A virtually unheard of scenario? PROSECUTORIAL MISCONDUCT! ELECTION INTERFERENCE!
As we were just saying.
Why didn’t they bring these charges years ago? Well, to be honest, we were among those who wondered what was taking Merrick Garland so fucking long. We understand the need to be thorough, but we also think there was enough evidence to lock Trump underneath Gitmo the second he waddled out of the White House for the last time.
Of course, with other crimes, like stealing and withholding America’s nuclear secrets, that was a crime in progress that started after Trump left the White House. And regarding inciting a terrorist attack against America as part of his plot to overthrow the government and overturn the election he had just lost, it’s understandable why it took a minute to really get those charges just right.
We’re probably about to find out how just right they got them!
But ELECTION INTERFERENCE! Yadda yadda. He cryin’.
While we wait to find out specifically what he cryin’ about, remember that last week Trump reportedly got a target letter from Special Counsel Smith in the January 6 investigation. And if you missed it, a few news outlets got their hands on some of the details of that target letter, what kinds of charges Trump is likely to face.
The Wall Street Journal says the letter mentioned three federal statutes:
The special counsel’s target letter, according to a person familiar with the matter, cites three statutes, pertaining to deprivation of rights; conspiracy to commit an offense against or defraud the United States; and tampering with a witness.
NBC News adds that “[t]he context surrounding the statutes is unclear, and including them in the letter does not necessarily mean that Trump will be charged with related counts or that an indictment would be limited to only those three statutes.”
We guess we’ll just have to wait for more specifics.
Tick tock, motherfucker.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.
"we are in the middle of a major political campaign for President of the United States?" Uh no, this isn't halftime. This isn't even the 1st quarter. It's hours before kickoff. The pregame hype show hasn't even started.
It’s pretty cool how they can’t charge you for crimes if you’re running for office. I think I’m gonna rob like six banks, murder a couple people, then steal a car for the getaway. Something nice, with a sun roof...
And then when the cops on my tail start to close in, I’ll just stop the car, open up the sun roof, stand up in it, and loudly announce from there through a megaphone: ‘I am pleased to announce my candidacy for president of the United States!’