Trump Learns Recounts Work Both Ways. Wonkagenda For Monday, November 28, 2016

I never said, "rigged"....

Welcome back, Wonkers! We hope you got some sleep this past weekend! Here's some of the stories a full complement of Wonkette writers may be talking about today!

• Donald Trump is full of butthurt about election (so are we), so Trump took to Twitter to whine about the "crybabies" donating to Jill Stein for a recount in three swing states.

•  Trumpkin talking heads took to the teevee to trash Mitt Romney, likely with the hope that Mittens would fade away so that Rudy Giuliani can weasel his way into the State Department. Too bad that Kellyanne Conway made Trump "furious" when she said Trump "betrayed" his supporters by considering Mittens, and that the media is "sexist" for talking about it.

•  Trump offered charter school cheerleader and mega-rich super donor Betsy DeVos Secretary of Education because if you're going to screw up government-funded social programs and safety nets you might as well start with the public school system. And if that sounds horrible, just think about the fact that Jerry Falwell Jr. -- president of Liberty University -- says he was offered the gig, but he had better things to do.

• B. Barry Bamz's presidentin' days are running down, but he's not out of office yet, so he has been quietly signing off on a wide range legislation, treaties, and other things, like helping the victims of fake, for-profit colleges (like Trump University).

• Unfortunately, Obama's also decided to expand the War on Terror to include Al Shabab in Somalia, which gives Trump and his patriotic pussy grabbers more policing powers throughout Not America.

•  A lawsuit on two CIA contractors accused of torture could be scuttled because people might find out about all those times the United States " secretly " tortured prisoners.

•  Trump has conflicts of interest in at least 20 different countries, which shouldn't be a problem after he gives control of his business to the spoiled brats who have already been sitting in on meetings with heads of state.

• Trump's conflicts of interest don't just stop at the different parts of Not America where he builds monuments to debt, but Trump's promises to both the the corn and oil industry will be difficult to keep because of the success of President George W. Bush's Renewable Fuel Standard program. Maybe he shouldn't have made so many promises to poor farmers only to appoint a climate skeptic to the EPA (especially when you consider OPEC and non-OPEC exporters can't decide who'll cut production which has caused oil prices to crash this morning). VROOM VROOM!

•  WaPo's Richard Cohen maybe found a quote from Trump wondering if it was, "wrong to be more sexually attracted to your own daughter than your wife," but the line was scrubbed by editorial before it went to print, so of course the original piece "leaked."

• If you're a federal worker, you're probably already aware that UncleSamTrump is just going to "You're Fired" you considering an idiot robot could do your job (like all those rust belt autoworkers). So, the Office of Personnel Management is downsizing specialty positions in the government, so now might be a good time for all you olds to think about that early retirement move to Florida (so you can vote in 2018).

•  The San Francisco MUNI has been hacked and is being held for ransom by some jerks with only a basic grasp on the English language.

• The Daily Mail finally found a terrorist they can sort of understand in the murderer of British MP Jo Cox.

• It looks like poor MoDo has been having a pity party since the election, and let her Trumpkin brother hypocritically bitch out a hot mess of horseshit in the Old Grey Lady.

• Join Robyn and me while we point and laugh at this obnoxious Chicago lady who went into a craft store and was asked to pay for a bag ( which is a law ) only to become butthurt and start screaming about white racism and her lurv of Trump.

• If you're STILL not offended this morning then allow me to submit to you Putin's chief spokesman Dimitry Peskov performing a Holocaust-themed ice skating routine because nothing says Christmas like Auschwitz on Ice.

• And, here's your morning Nice Time, albino echidnas! Once you get past the weirdness, they're kind of cute!