Trump Pardons Scooter Libby, Because LOLOL We Live In Hell And Nothing Matters Anymore?

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HAHAHAHAHAHA EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE AND NOTHING MATTERS, THE "PRESIDENT" HAS AN UTTER CONTEMPT FOR THE RULE OF LAW, AND OH YEAH, WHY NOT LET'S PARDON SCOOTER LIBBY NOW, BECAUSE THAT'S A GOOD ACTIVITY FOR A FUN FRIDAY:

President Donald Trump is expected to grant a pardon to Scooter Libby [ in fact just did! - Ed.], who was the chief of staff to then-Vice President Dick Cheney, a White House official said.

Justice Department spokesman Ian Prior confirmed Friday to CNN that there is no current petition seeking a pardon on file with the DOJ's Office of Pardon Attorney.

Of course Trump didn't consult with the Justice Department, this is not about a normal president exercising his normal presidential pardoning power. (He didn't talk to DOJ about his Joe Arpaio pardon either.)

OK, so if you don't remember who Scooter Libby is and why he's so bad, back 15 years ago or so, the name of a covert CIA operative named Valerie Plame was leaked, and it was a BIG CONTROVERSY. A special prosecutor was appointed by the deputy attorney general, a deputy attorney general whose name was LEAKER AND LIAR JAMES COMEY (who just happens to have a new book coming out, which makes Trump MAD). That special prosecutor, Patrick Fitzgerald, convicted Scooter Libby, Vice President Dick Cheney's chief of staff, of lying to the FBI and obstruction of justice, even though Libby claimed he PLUM FORGETTED he was the one who leaked Plame's name. Back in 2007, President Gee Dubya Bush did NOT pardon Libby, even though Dick Cheney was like "I AM DARK LORD SATAN AND LI'L SCOOTZ IS MY BEST PAL ARGLE BARGLE GRRRRRRRR!" but Bush did commute his sentence, which means he got to stay out of jail, eventually be reinstated as a lawyer and eventually have his voting rights reinstated too, so it's not like Trump is letting somebody out of Château d'If or anything.

BUT WHY, THOUGH? WHY IS TRUMP DOING THIS?

Oh, just a couple few reasons we can think of!

• Well, you know, Donald Trump is a fucking dick who's really stupid and thinks, or his Fox News lawyers think, it would be a really good goddang strategy right now for Trump to piss off the entire intelligence and law enforcement communities by pardoning a guy who put one of their own in danger (as well as anyone who ever did spy stuff for her in foreign lands) by leaking her name. This is almost as good as Bannon's plan to stop Robert Mueller! 

• Somebody is whispering sweet nothings into the White House's ear, and it is Dick Cheney, which means OH SHIT HE'S BACK.

• Oh hey, let's ask Kellyanne Conway, so that she may say verified bullshits about how Libby was the "victim of a special counsel gone amok." OH HEY, WHERE HAVE WE HEARD THAT LATELY?

  Amid reports Pres. Trump is poised to pardon Scooter Libby, Kellyanne Conway says "Many people think that Scooter Libby was a victim of a special counsel gone amok." https: //t.co/AKRYx5xQNw   pic.twitter.com/b1thRVreBe 

  — ABC News Politics (@ABCPolitics) April 13, 2018 

• Did we mention Trump is a fucking dick who doesn't respect the rule of law?

• Trump wants to send a message to people like Paul Manafort and Michael Cohen, who are victims of his VERY OWN special counsel "gone amok," and the message is "Don't worry, boys, I will pardon you guys too! ALL FIVE MILLION OF YOU!" Read Marcy Wheeler on why this is actually a bad gamble, for a hundred reasons, one of them being that by the time this investigation is over there really probably will be ALL FIVE MILLION OF YOU to pardon, because everyone Trump touches becomes a common criminal if they weren't already.

• Because dipshit Fox News lawyers Joe diGenova and Victoria Toensing, the ones Trump didn't hire at White House, are saying on the TV that he should definitely pardon Scooter Libby. (Toensing is Libby's pardon lawyer!) Money quote from diGenova, back in 2016:  “Comey and Fitzgerald tried to frame Scooter Libby, and they did, but then they didn’t get it done. And then of course that idiot George W. Bush didn’t give him a pardon.” Fuck you, greasy rent-a-lawyer trashball.

Those are just some of the reasons we can think of. Maybe you can think of more in the comments, but we're just going to stick with how Donald Trump is a stupid fucking dick and be done with it.

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[ CNN ]