Trump Thiiiiis Close To Shrieking 'IT WAS A PERFECT TAPE!'
Also he was just pretending it was classified documents to impress a lady.
Since the world got to hear Donald Trump sitting on his Diet Coke throne at his Bedminster resort, waving America's military secrets at the face of Mark Meadows's biographers and God knows who else, he's been making excuses for his behavior. On Truth Social it was "actually an exoneration," and "I come under the Presidential Records Act, as confirmed by the Clinton Socks case."
Remember when Donald Trump released his own Ukraine treason call transcript, after tweeting day after day after day, "RELEASE THE TRASNCREIPUJTIOADSIOSDTIITITITITTITTS!!11111!" because he is maniacally fucking stupid and he thought it would exonerate him, but instead it really helped the world understand how guilty he was? Just comes to mind right now, don't know why. (Even such esteemed brain wizards as Steve Doocy from "Fox & Friends" seem to be having the same thought.)
Ever since yesterday, Trump's explanations for the audio tape have been like Follow The Bouncing Idiot.
Speaking in New Hampshire yesterday, Trump just started confessing, in that moron way he does when he swears he did nothing wrong. "We did nothing wrong and everybody knows it." He said that "this is just another hoax." As Fox News notes, last week, talking to Bret Baier, Trump said that "there was no document." But then that tape came out, where you could hear him saying like hey, look at this highly confidential Iran war plan document!
So yesterday, Fox Digital was like wait what? Can you please clarify all the things? And he said:
"I said it very clearly — I had a whole desk full of lots of papers, mostly newspaper articles, copies of magazines, copies of different plans, copies of stories, having to do with many, many subjects, and what was said was absolutely fine. ... We did nothing wrong. This is a whole hoax."
He was just sitting there at his very large desk in Bedminster, with his papers and his newspaper articles and his copies of Tiger Beat and his "copies of plans." (Plans?) The things he discussed on that tape were "absolutely fine." IT WAS A PERFECT TAPE! He's gonna say that soon.
Then he tried to play confused about what people objected to on the tape:
"My voice was fine. What did I say wrong on those recordings? I didn’t even see the recording. All I know is I did nothing wrong," Trump said. "We had a lot of papers, a lot of papers stacked up. In fact, you hear the rustle of the paper. And nobody said that I did anything wrong other than the fake news, which is Fox, too."
What did he say on the recording? He did nothing wrong on the recording. What recording? It was a beautiful recording! He hasn't even heard of a recording, which was perfect. The only people saying he did wrong things are the fake news, which includes all people saying he did something wrong!
Asked if there were any other recordings that may materialize, Trump said, "I don’t know of any recordings that we should be concerned with because I don’t do things wrong. I do things right. I’m a legitimate person."
Trump the Legitimate, that's what they call him.
Trying out some different words, Trump talked to Semafor and ABC News on his plane later yesterday. To them he just said that aw shucks, he was trying to impress that pretty lady who was biographizin' Mark Meadows, you know how it is.
“I would say it was bravado, if you want to know the truth, it was bravado,” Trump said in an interview aboard his plane with Semafor and ABC News. “I was talking and just holding up papers and talking about them, but I had no documents. I didn’t have any documents.”
Who among us hasn't held up papers and said they were secret military Iran attack plans whilst in the pursuit of getting our dick wet?
"Highly confidential! Secret! This is secret information!" he said on the tape. "See, as president, I could have declassified it, but now I can't." The biographer reponded, "Now we have a problem!" She was probably flirting back.
Back to the Semafor/ABC News interview, Trump added, "I just held up a whole pile of — my desk is loaded up with papers. I have papers from 25 different things." And if some of the things on his desk are American military secrets, well then those are just the kinds of accidents that happen when you steal American military secrets and put them in boxes at your house in South Florida and then you put them in your Hello Kitty backpack and take them to your house in Bedminster and you lay them out on your desk so you can play with them while you're trying to impress the women writing biographies of your former chief of staff.
Trump tried to do a show-and-tell demonstration for Semafor and ABC News:
At one point, Trump gestured to the seat next to him on the plane, where a stack of various papers — newspapers, copies of his speech, printouts of articles — sat. He grabbed some from the pile and placed them in front of him, moving them around as he spoke and offering up a physical reenactment of what he said was occurring on the audio tape.
As one does.
And why did he tell Fox News that some of the documents he was smushing around in front of him were "plans"? Semafor/ABC News asked, Trump answered:
“Did I use the word plans?” he said. “What I’m referring to is magazines, newspapers, plans of buildings. I had plans of buildings. You know, building plans? I had plans of a golf course.”
Just waving around my blueprints and telling pretty ladies they're confidential.
He sees beautiful ladies, he just starts showing them blueprints. He doesn't even wait. And when you're a star, they let you do it.
He really does need to start screaming IT WAS A PERFECT TAPE! now, that is the next step. (Unless he already has and we just haven't seen it.)
Pitter patter, let's get at 'er, Donald.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
Just got to BlueSky!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
Have you heard that Wonkette DOES NOT EXIST without your donations? Please hear it now, and if you have ever enjoyed a Wonkette article, throw us some bucks, or better yet, SUBSCRIBE!
Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .
Why doesn't she just transfer her domain to a site that's more notgodaddy?
Certainly doesn't know that it's pretty much the exact opposite of brave.