Trump Personally Made Up All Junior's Dumb Russian Lies, Isn't That Shocking?

A face Daddy has to protect.

There's BREAKING NEWS in the Trump-Russia conspiracy scandal! When news broke a few weeks ago of Donald Trump Jr. taking a fun Russian meeting with a bathtub full of Russians, Junior's first lie, released in an official statement, was that it was just a meeting about letting Americans adopt BOUNCY RUSSIAN BABIES and nothing more, end of story. But in the days that came after, a new picture emerged, of Donald Trump's Russian pals approaching Junior with promises of sexxxxy dirt on Hillary Clinton. The  New York Times  reported that week that Trump advisers worked on Junior's initial statement on the way back from the G20, and that the only statement Daddy Trump would sign off on was the milquetoast lie about adoptions. Of course, as we all remember, all the stories fell apart when Junior tweeted out the email chain that led to the meeting.

It turns out, according to a  Washington Post report that dropped Monday night, that Daddy Trump was more deeply involved in Air Force One scheming about Junior's Russian statement than we knew, to the point that he actually DICTATED THE WORDS OF IT:

Flying home from Germany on July 8 aboard Air Force One, Trump personally dictated a statement in which Trump Jr. said that he and the Russian lawyer had “primarily discussed a program about the adoption of Russian children” when they met in June 2016, according to multiple people with knowledge of the deliberations. The statement, issued to the New York Times as it prepared an article, emphasized that the subject of the meeting was “not a campaign issue at the time.” [...]

The extent of the president’s personal intervention in his son’s response, the details of which have not previously been reported, adds to a series of actions that Trump has taken that some advisers fear could place him and some members of his inner circle in legal jeopardy.

COULD IT? COULD IT PLACE HIM IN SOME LEGAL JEOPARDY? Possibly, if you think that is some obstruction of fucking justice right there, maaaybe?

And who wrote down the statement Trump dictated for his good and not at all stupid son? That would be adviser Hope Hicks, who, as the WaPo reports, "served as a go-between with Trump Jr., who was not on the plane, sharing edits between the two men, according to people with knowledge of the discussions." So Hope Hicks is obviously on Facebook right now, posting vague statuses like, "Anybody know any good lawyers? ASKING FOR A FRIEND LOL JUST KIDDING ASKING FOR ME."

The WaPo further quotes a Trump adviser (LEAKER!) who says, "This was ... unnecessary. Now someone can claim he’s the one who attempted to mislead. Somebody can argue the president is saying he doesn’t want you to say the whole truth.” Imagine that! That adviser added that Trump "refuses to sit still," and that since he's under the (likely mistaken) impression that "he's not in any legal jeopardy," he is bound and determined to fix this Russia problem ALL BY HISSELF, you know, because he's so good at things.

Trump's ding dong lawyer Jay Sekulow says this story is FAKE NEWS, for what that's worth. (It's probably not worth much.)

And Jared and Ivanka, or "sources close to them" or something, say THEY wanted to tell the whole truth right away because they are perfect and never ever ever do anything wrong.

When Daddy Trump did his COMPLETELY BATSHIT INTERVIEW with the Times , he said he talked about BOUNCY RUSSIAN BABIES with Vladimir Putin during the after-dinner G20 meeting he failed to report to the press. Therefore, we had kinda assumed that was figuring in the president's imagination as he jetted back to America with his advisers, who were busy working on a bullshit statement for Junior.

And indeed, several of the Russians Junior met with, including lawyer Natalia Veselnitskaya, are anti-Magnitsky Act crusaders, and one thing all those knuckleheads have in common is that they come promising BOUNCY RUSSIAN BABIES, in exchange for lifting sanctions on Russia. So it remains highly plausible that the adoption thing was part of Junior's meeting. And it's highly plausible that Trump and Putin actually did talk about adoptions, by which we mean Putin probably reminded Trump that part of their agreement is that he lift the Russian sanctions, not that Putin owns Donald Trump or anything. OR DOES HE?

(By the way, that Russian sanctions bill Congress passed has been sitting on Trump's desk without his signature for quite a few days! Wonder why.)

So did Donald Trump obstruct all the justice and should he go to jail right now? Our Magic 8-Ball says, "ABOUT FUCKIN' TIME," but it is not a lawyer.

This guy was George W. Bush's ethics lawyer though:

You heard the man, Donald! Please collect your things and go, for you are a failure and also you are very stinky and we hate you, the end.

Wonkette salaries are fully funded by readers like you! If you love us, click below to pay our salaries!

[ Washington Post ]