Tucker Carlson Knows What's A Real Virus, And It Is All These Angry Black People

We wish we were kidding, except for that wouldn't even be good 'kidding.'

Time for your daily Tucker Carlson White Supremacist Bingo Game, you ready? (Previous installments can be found by searching "Tucker Carlson" on Wonkette and clicking on literally any result that comes up.)

We don't even know how to set this one up, besides to say Tucker Carlson thinks people protesting to stop cops from murdering Black people in the streets is "our Wuhan," because that's what a real virus is to Tucker Carlson. He's really that awful, and that's really what he said last night.

Transcript stolen from Media Matters:  

TUCKER CARLSON: We spent an awful lot of time this Spring talking about viruses and how they spread.

He's about to talk about Black people protesting.

One person infects another person who infects a third who then has contact with a larger group of people and infects 20 more, each of whom, and you know how it works. It's exponential.

He's about to talk about Black people protesting.

Pretty soon, individuals thousands of miles from the source of the outbreaks start getting sick.

Just a couple more sentences until he says how this is just like Black people protesting.

Well we now know that the craziness spreads very much the same way. A single lunatic can pass a debilitating case of it to millions of others with just one appearance on MSNBC or a long thread on Twitter. Hysteria is the most communicable disease known to man. And we're now living through a pandemic of it.

Here it is!

On Memorial Day weekend, a man called George Floyd died in police custody in Minnesota. That's where this outbreak first began. Minneapolis was our Wuhan. The first cases appeared a little over a month ago. Here's the state of the pandemic now.

Except if there's really a place that's "our Wuhan," that would be Seattle and New York, which experienced the large outbreaks of the actual pandemic, as opposed to the white-hooded pandemic in Tucker's brain.

And what was the "pandemic" that started in Minneapolis? Was it racist cops holding their knees on top of Black men's necks for almost nine minutes and killing them? No, that pandemic has been going on in some form or another since before the country's founding, and Tucker's not too broken up about it.

The "pandemic" he's talking about is the one where people are very angry — even some white people! We are sure Tucker has thoughts about those white people, similar to how slaveowners viewed white abolitionists — because racist cops hold their knees on top of Black men's necks for almost nine minutes and kill them.

So to translate what you just saw into the clinical language of epidemiology ...

Except why would you unless you were a fucking Klan-grade psychopath?

... holy smokes, this is getting really crazy. What does Christopher Columbus have to do with George Floyd? Christopher Columbus was not a Minneapolis police officer, Christopher Columbus was an Italian navigator who died more than 500 years ago. Columbus probably never even heard of George Floyd. He almost certainly didn't mistreat him personally. So why are people attacking Columbus' statute? Well, who knows? You're definitely not allowed to ask.

This is just a slightly more clever version of the thing you hear rednecks and other racists say about "MAH GREAT GRAND-DADDY DIDN'T OWN SLAVES, SO WHY I GOTTA BE RESPONSIBLE?"

Thing is, people are asking these questions, and people who know their history are   answering. People are learning . And all of that is dangerous for somebody like Tucker Carlson, White Supremacist, who'd like you to believe the George Floyd killing was an isolated incident that's connected to nothing else that ever happened ever in human history . We'd give Tucker some movie recommendations, things that might help him connect the dots, like 13th and 12 Years A Slave and Amistad and a hundred other things, but we already know he's probably busy that day fantasizing about all the water fountains he could put "Whites Only" signs on. So we won't bother.

Questions are not permitted during hysteria epidemics. Logic of any kind seems to dramatically increase the severity of the symptoms. A patient may appear to be recovering from hysteria, speaking in nearly complete sentences, bathing independently on occasion. But then a single direct question will send him into a tailspin. A renewed attack of slogan-shouting, anarchist graffiti, hours of hostile tweeting. The disease back in force. It's safer not to say a word.

This is just more of Tucker's batshit about how THEY are coming to get YOU, and YOU are not allowed to say anything, because of how THEY are in charge of everything. He's been fucking that chicken since the day Floyd died.

Also he thinks he is doing "humor," kinda sorta. We think?

This is been your latest episode of MasterTucker Theater, we'll be sure to report the next time Tucker Carlson acts like the more milquetoast, slightly more educated older brother of John Tibbetts, just as soon as he acts like that again.

Pencil it in for tomorrow.

[ Media Matters ]

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