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Tudor Dixon's Got Jokes (Not Good Ones)
It's so funny when extremists plot to kidnap governors.
Tudor Dixon, a highly exclusive, $5,000 a month preschool that is running for Michigan governor, knows what is funny — and it is "domestic terrorism."
On Friday, the gubernatorial hopeful made not one but two jokes about the right-wing terrorist plot to kidnap Gretchen Whitmer and put her "on trial" for all of her COVID crimes.
“The sad thing is Gretchen will tie your hands, put a gun to your head and ask if you’re ready to talk," Dixon said at one event. "For someone so worried about being kidnapped, Gretchen Whitmer sure is good at taking business hostage and holding it for ransom.”
Get it? It's funny because six absolute wackos had plotted to kidnap her and hold her hostage against her will, while under the impression that they had the actual legal right to do that, and someone as silly as Gretchen Whitmer would probably find that kind of thing unsettling. Not other people though. Like, if six extremists had plotted to kidnap Tudor Dixon and put her on trial for her crimes against fashion, she would be super chill about it. Obviously!
At another event later in the day, Dixon again joked about the kidnapping plot, this time leaning into the nonsense that all of the men arrested in the kidnapping plot were FBI agents:
Did y'all see Gretchen Whitmer at the Auto Show? Holding Joe Biden's hand? Yeah, where it's like, was she holding him up, did he think it that was his wife? What exactly was happening there? I'll tell you, the look on her face, she's like, "Oh my gosh, this is happening.I'd rather be kidnapped by the FBI."
Yeah, the media is like, "Oh my gosh, she did it again." Earlier today, I said, "You know what, Gretchen Whitmer, since she's so worried about kidnapping, she shouldn't have held our businesses hostage," and they were like, she made this joke about kidnapping, and I'm like, no, that wasn't a joke, if you were afraid of that, you should know what it is to have your life ripped away from you. That was a joke--what I just said, just so the media gets it, that's what a joke is.
The problem there is that the first clue for most people (not just those of us in the media ) that something is a joke is that it is funny or even just relatively entertaining in some way. Clever, perhaps! This is kind of just like ... a lady talking about some very silly conspiracy theories.
But I mean, honestly, think about that hand holding. Let's go back to that for just one minute. Because let's think about that. Gretchen Whitmer is holding Joe Biden's hand, the media's like,"How adorable is that? He's America's grandfather, she's holding in his hand." And I'm like, what would the media say if it was Tudor Dixon and Donald Trump holding hands? I don't think it'd be America's grandfather.
While we'd all be wondering if it was merely a pretext to him "grabbing her by the pussy," the odds are very strong that Trump himself would be the first person to say something pervy about that situation.
That's what we're up against. That's what we're up against, because they're gonna run with this, they're gonna plaster this everywhere, there's all, "This person said this," it doesn't matter that Joe Biden came here and called me all kinds of names and put my life in danger--that doesn't matter. They'll never talk about that. If you guys want to you can, but they're probably not going to. They're only going to make us look bad. That's their job. They work for the Democrats.
It is not clear how calling Dixon an "extreme Republican" and criticizing her position on abortion puts her life in danger.
Where I personally take offense, however, is in this statement that it is my job to make Tudor Dixon look bad. It is not my job to make Tudor Dixon look bad, it is Tudor Dixon's job to make Tudor Dixon look bad. I do not control the words or the bad jokes that come out of her mouth, I did not tell her to wear a dress that makes it look like she is a server at a 1950s diner in space, and I did not once suggest that she run for Governor of Michigan. Neither did anyone else in "the media."
If Tudor Dixon thinks that making bad jokes about terrorist kidnapping plots is the kind of thing that might make her look bad, then perhaps she should consider not making bad jokes about terrorist kidnapping plots. Then, no one in the media could write any articles at all about how she made jokes about a terrorist kidnapping plot. See how that works?
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