Tyrant Barack Obama Bent On Making You Stay Home From Work If You're Sick

No one can take away your right to give the flu to that asshole in the next cubicle

In a Labor Day speech in Boston, Supreme Leader Barack Obama declared himself greater than God, decreeing that he alone held the power of sickness and health over America's workers. Or maybe he announced that he'd signed an executive order mandating that all employees of federal contractors will be entitled to up to seven days of sick leave per year. He also called on Congress to pass legislation mandating similar benefits for all companies with more than 15 employees. You'd almost think it was Labor Day during an election campaign!

Under the executive order, workers on federal contracts would be eligible for paid leave if they are sick or caring for a sick relative. They will earn one hour of leave for every 30 hours worked, with a maximum of seven days a year, officials said. The new order won’t take effect until after Obama leaves office in early 2017.

We guess that means all the Republican candidates have one more thing they'll need to promise to repeal their first day in office.

According to a White House press release, the executive order will affect about 300,000 people working for federal contractors, regardless of whether they're full-time or part-time; the leave can be used for the workers' own illness or to take care of a sick family member. The United States is the only advanced industrial democracy that does not guarantee paid sick leave or maternity leave, which we suppose is simply one more thing that makes us so darned exceptional.

Obama used the announcement to slam Republicans' anti-labor policies, mocking Scott Walker's assertion that "busting unions prepared him to fight ISIL," although Obama delicately avoided mentioning Walker by name. This is probably a good strategy, given the growing consensus among Republicans that the best preparation for fighting ISIS is having been sent to military school after punching a teacher.

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For his part, Scott Walker told people at a campaign event in New Hampshire that everybody knows Obama "stands with the big government union bosses, we stand with hard-working people," and said that "the president and his allies fear us more than anybody else in the race because they know we don't just talk about it, we get it done." It, being the gutting of job protections and workers' rights, because Scott Walker knows that if you get time off to be sick, you'll probably go and be sick, but that if you have to be at work, you'll stay healthy. Viruses understand supply and demand, as we all know.

Congress is expected to take up Obama's call to enact a national mandate for paid sick leave immediately after it eliminates Planned Parenthood, makes gay marriage go away forever, and figures out how Hillary Clinton killed four American diplomatic personnel in Benghazi.

[ WaPo / White House ]