Underwater German Deathbots To Keep Sweet, Sweet Crude A-Bubblin'

The realpolitik wunderkinds in charge of Iran have been threatening for awhile now to respond to a Western boycott on their oil by cutting off access to ALL the oil, but now the loose-lipped traitors at Nobama's Pentagon have let it slip that the U.S. Navy is globally forcing some good into what they call the "Arabian Gulf" in the form of underwater death robots. Death robots made in Germany that cost as much as a Porsche, in case you thought they weren't really serious about it.

These super-secret "sea drones" are sold practically on the open market and are basically tiny, fancier versions of the wire-guided torpedoes that have been around since, oh, 1945. They're intended to blow up mines that Iran would use to close the Strait of Hormuz and stop tankers from bringing us our Gulf oil that Dick Cheney laid down his mortal life to obtain for us from Satan. Hippie peaceniks should like them, since they're death machines designed to kill only other death machines, unless some Iranian minisub happens to get caught in the act of laying said mines. Hey, if your actual job title is "human torpedo," you should probably know the risks involved.

Meanwhile, the pussies over at the State department are in Southeast Asia being all multilateral this, and peacefully resolving territorial disputes that, making an ever more solid case for the Law of the Sea Treaty that would provide a solid legal framework for that kind of jaw-jaw, which George Will Does Not Care For One Bit. LOLs, Hillary, didn't you see "Battleship?" OK, sure, nobody saw that, but just go on any Internet forum and you'll find EVERYBODY agrees with Admiral Will that all we need to put China in its place is a few hundred more warships and stealth fighters. And building all that military hardware will end the recession AND eliminate the deficit, just like it did in the '80s.

So stop buying Nazi deathbot torpedoes, Pentagon, and buy American.