U.S. Army to Literally Use Ray Guns on Iraq

Military officials have contracted out to the Galactic Empire for new blasters, heat-seeking ones that might dig up those sand pirates once and for all. Well, not exactly, but military officials did offer the following yesterday: "Anoversized ray guncould be deployed to Iraq early next year." Gloyvin! Ray guns and the Iraq what with all the lasers....

According to a wire story in the Baltimore Sun today, The Army's ray gun -- and this is not a fucking joke -- is known as the Active Denial System. Ha ha, like the Bush Administration, irony, etc.

The ADS "uses energy beams instead of bullets andlets soldiers break up unruly crowds without guns" (emphasis ours). A way to sedate the masses without shooting them, you say? But don't lasers hurt? I always thought that lasers hurt.

[Deep breath]....$@#R@RRT$@#TG#$H#$%D!!!

 Ray gun possible for use in Iraq [Baltimore Sun]