Utah May Soon Ban Non-Existent 'Satanic Ritual Abuse'

Well, there might be 'ritual child abuse' in Utah, but it's not being done by Satanists.

Let me tell you a terrifying fact: 72 percent of the Amazon reviews of the book Satan’s Underground give it 5 stars. If you’re not familiar, the book is the “memoir” of a woman named Lauren Stratford, aka Laurel Rose Wilson, who claimed to have been a victim of Satanic ritual abuse. This is despite the fact that Stratford was outed as a fake decades ago, and that after her claims were thoroughly debunked by the evangelical magazine Cornerstone, she embarked upon a career as fake Holocaust survivor Lauren Grabowski until she was outed by Cornerstone again, along with another fake Holocaust survivor whom she claimed to remember.

This is very easily available information. So easily available that even some of the positive reviewers acknowledge it. They even say that they know that this particular account of Satanic ritual abuse might be nonsense, but that they appreciate the book because they know it for sure happens to other people. Somewhere. This isn’t the kind of thing I should be shocked by, having covered conspiracy theories and Satanic panic and Q-Anonsense for the last million years, and I’m not. I do, however, remain profoundly creeped the fuck out.

Last week, also decades after anyone could even almost reasonably believe that “Satanic ritual abuse” is a real thing outside of their own fevered imaginations, legislators in the state of Utah advanced a bill outlawing “ritual abuse.” This feels pretty deeply ironic given that we have many, many proven instances of actual abuse within the Mormon church and literally zero proven incidents of “Satanic ritual abuse” … anywhere.

The bill has already received a “favorable recommendation” from the House Judiciary committee and a large majority of the Legislature are on board.

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The bill defines the crime as a situation in which

An actor commits ritual abuse of a child if the actor, as part of a ritual, intentionally or knowingly;

Causes a child to participate in or witness:

1. the torture, mutilation, or sacrifice of an animal;

2. the dissection, mutilation, or incineration of a human corpse:

3. the causing of serious bodily injury to an individual;

4. bestiality;

5. sadistic or masochistic activities;

6. the ingestion or external application of an organic substance or material; or

7. an activity that would constitute a criminal offense;

Causes a child to:

1. enter a coffin or open grave containing a human corpse or remains;

2. participate in a mock, unauthorized, or unlawful marriage ceremony as an individual being married to another individual or a fictional representation; or

3. ingest, inject, or otherwise intake a chemical compound, narcotic, drug, hallucinogen, or anesthetic;

Threatens a child, or the child's parents, family, pets, or friends with death, serious bodily injury, or other criminal activity; Deprives a child of sleep, food, or water; Binds or confines a child; Or otherwise acts to cause to arouse or gratify the sexual desire of any individual.

Just to be nitpicky, we assume that the Utah Lege does not actually intend to outlaw baptism or Ash Wednesday, but who could ever know?

Several people who claimed to be “survivors” of Satanic ritual abuse testified in favor of the bill. One of these people was a woman named Kimberli Raya Koen, whose website indicates that despite being highly aware of the fact that she was physically abused by her father, she did not recall the ritual abuse she believes she suffered until seeing a therapist when she was 19. It also indicates that she suffers from the equally controversial Dissociative Identity Disorder (previously known as Multiple Personality Disorder).

Via NBC:

Kimberli Raya Koen, 53, an activist who heads a nonprofit and leads local summits on ritual abuse, told legislators through tears that “everything named in this bill” had happened to her. Koen has appeared on dozens of podcasts over the years to tell her story: that she was tortured and forced to participate in human sacrifice as part of satanic cult rituals led by family members, neighbors and church leaders. She told NBC News that no one has been charged with her abuse, memories of which she uncovered as an adult.

“Utah has an incredible opportunity to lead the country in naming and acknowledging this horrific abuse is real,” she said at the hearing.

Except, you know … it’s not. There is no statute on limitations on murder, which human sacrifice certainly is, so one wonders why no one has sought to charge her parents. Did they give up human sacrifice as a hobby and move on to backgammon?

The bill is supported by Utah County Sheriff Mike Smith, who is upset by the fact that he has become a nationwide joke as a result of his very serious “investigation” of a Satanic sex-trafficking ring — a crime he was initially hepped to by Nicholas Alahverdian, an actual sex offender who faked his own death and moved to Scotland in order to pretend to be another person. He is still claiming to be that other person, while preparing for his trial for two non-“ritualistic” rapes in Utah.

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THIS THING! IT WAS CRAZY!

Did A Progressive Prosecutor Eat Children In Utah?

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Smith admits that part of the reason he wants this bill to pass is because he thinks it will make people stop laughing at him.

“I was attacked, I was ridiculed, I’ve had memes made about me because of it,” he said, according to NBC. “Without a doubt, these things do happen in Utah,” he added. “I believe they’re happening, I believe they have happened.”

The same appears to go for one Lt. Jason Randall:

Lt. Jason Randall, the county’s lead investigator on ritual abuse, argues the new bill would help legitimize this work and encourage more victims to report their abuse, because it would signal that authorities won’t discount what can appear to be incredible claims. When asked by lawmakers what in the existing code had kept Randall from being able to press charges against child abusers, Randall answered, “Belief. Belief.”

Also actual evidence, of which there is none. That’s not just according to me, but according to multiple years-long investigations by the FBI, by National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect, and the Utah Attorney General’s Office. There has never, ever been a proven case of Satanic ritual abuse, and it’s not because the Satanists are extra good at getting away with their crimes, thanks to the magic of Satan. Satanism simply does not exist the way these people think it does, with secret covens of otherwise normal-seeming folks getting together every full moon to sacrifice babies and prepare elementary school students to be Satan’s bride in hell.

I understand that this sounds harsh, but people’s lives were ruined over this shit — both those who were falsely accused, many of whom spent years in prison for ridiculous crimes they did not commit, and those who were convinced that they were victims. Frankly I’d almost prefer to be the former than the latter because at least then I’d still be able to trust my own mind and my own memory.

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The people who are pushing this through are not just misled. They are not well-intentioned. It would take a whole minute of serious thought to understand why this makes no sense, and it would take them ten seconds of Googling to find that all of this was fully debunked decades ago. Anyone can do it! It is widely known that many innocent people were sent to prison over this. It is widely known that people suffered believing that horrible things happened to them. To be willing to do that to more people because you desperately want to believe that Satanic cults are putting children in coffins is just plain cruel.

There may very well be some “ritual abuse” in Utah, but it’s being done in groups like the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints, not by “Satanists.”