Vivek Ramaswamy Gets Schooled In Foreign Policy By ... Brian Kilmeade? Brian Kilmeade.

Do you know how dumb you have to be to make Brian Kilmeade sound like Madeleine Albright?

How bad a day is giant forehead Vivek Ramaswamy having on this fine Friday? Well, Brian Kilmeade — yes, Brian Kilmeade — absolutely ethered him in a foreign policy discussion on “Fox & Friends.” Which is a little like a vampire ethering you in a debate over the best method for getting a tan:

RAMASWAMY: Reopen economic relations with Russia. Freeze the current lines of control. Make a commitment that NATO will not admit Ukraine —

KILMEADE: So let Russia take 20 percent of the country? They took it. They just took it. And you say let them have it?

RAMASWAMY: The reality is, what do we get in return ... The Russia-China alliance is the greatest threat the United States faces.

At this point, Kilmeade shook his head and opened his palms in the universal gesture for “Can you believe this fucking idiot?”

The fucking idiot babbled for another minute about the Ukraine war being the “single greatest opportunity” for the US to break up the Russia-China alliance, which, huh? He makes it sound like Russia and China are on a par with the Axis countries, which, no. Secondly, the two countries border each other, for god’s sake, how would it be helpful to destabilize that relationship? Is there some oligarch sitting in Moscow right now casually suggesting making Russia safer by breaking up the alliance between the United States and Canada? Third, how on earth does us letting Putin swallow Ukraine smash the Russia-China alliance?

KILMEADE: We’re watching the Russian army deconstruct [in Ukraine] before our eyes without any American blood. They are the aggressors, and our foreign policy did win us the Cold War, which I assume you know.

Damn, Kilmeade manages to give Ramaswamy a lesson in who started the war and at the same time mock his age (he was about four when the Berlin Wall fell). We have to — and we take no pleasure in typing this — give props to Kilmeade for treating this callow twerp and his I-skimmed-the-Wikipedia-page-so-I-think-I-know-what-I’m-talking-about levels of foreign policy knowledge with all the respect he deserves. (None.)

There was much other foreign-policy stupidity, such as this:

RAMASWAMY: We will defend Taiwan. Right now, the US policy of strategic ambiguity doesn’t allow Establishment politicians to say that. The US policy in both parties is a One China policy …

Whoa whoa whoa, let us stop you right there, George Kennan, so that we may Asiasplain this to you. Yes, the US has a “One China” policy, but it’s a bit of a misnomer. The One China policy is the policy of the Chinese government, and its goal is reuniting China with Taiwan. The US version of a “One China” policy is to say that Taiwan is part of China while maintaining unofficial relations with the Taiwanese government. We neither officially agree that Taiwan is a part of China, nor that Taiwan is its own sovereign state.

Officially, you could say that our position amounts to “You guys work it out, and try to not shoot each other.” Which, when you see how much Americans resolve our differences by shooting each other, you can understand why China and Taiwan might be confused.

Anyway, the tension between these two positions has caused a metric fuck-ton of diplomatic problems over the years, which Ramaswamy might have deduced if he had read, oh, literally anything written about the situation in the last four decades.

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RAMASWAMY: I said we will defend Taiwain, at least until we have semiconductor independence in this country …

Brian Kilmeade actually laughed at that. Do you have any idea how dumb you have to sound for Brian Kilmeade, a man who once tried to roast a marshmallow by holding it in a plastic spoon directly over an open flame, to recognize that you are saying something dumb? Really, really dumb.

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Watch Fox & Friends Try to Roast Tiny Marshmallows With Their Hands

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RAMASWAMY: … At which time we will re-evaluate.

KILMEADE (laughing again): And then we let them take it.

Exactly, Brian. Our current “One China” policy provides for Taiwan to remain independent. Ramaswamy wants to reverse that, so America no longer has a “One China” policy, at which point Taiwan and China will become one. Simple!

Oh, but only after we start making as many semiconductors in America as the Taiwanese currently make in Taiwan. Then they are shit out of luck.

RAMASWAMY: I want to build a multi-ethnic, working-class coalition that delivers not just a 50.1 electoral margin, but a landslide, a moral mandate, and I genuinely believe that as I said before, we’re skating on such thin ice that this has to be a landslide election like Reagan delivered in 1980 …

Reagan won 50.7 percent of the popular vote in 1980. Aim high, Giant Forehead!

Ramaswamy reminds us of nothing so much as a smooth-talking guy in the Old West who is trying to sell us his miracle hair-growth tonic out the back of his covered wagon. And who thinks his miracle hair-growth tonic is the key to peace between America and all the Native tribes it keeps slaughtering.

We look forward to laughing Ramaswamy off the presidential stage like a common Herman Cain, and sooner rather than later.

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