Vote, No April Foolin'! Tabs, Tues. Apr. 1, 2025
We will not bribe you a million dollars to vote. Sorry.
Oh hello!
If you are in Wisconsin, you’d better vote to hurt all of Elon’s feelings and make him cry big dumb stinky apartheid nepo baby tears. Yes, that is exactly what is on the ballot. It says, “Make Elon’s feelings hurt and make him cry big stupid tears. Also hurt a Cybertruck’s feelings, by looking at it and calling it the world’s most foolproof boner killer.” There is also a state supreme court seat up for grabs, a very important one. If you are in Florida in the districts formerly shat upon by Matt Gaetz or Michael Waltz, you’d better vote there too. Those are the longshots. Those are the ones that’d really fuck up Trump and MAGA if they lost ‘em.
Cory Booker started filibusterin’ last night. The real kind, where you have to keep talking and can’t even go take a dump. No Dumps For Democracy, that’s what they call it in the Constitution. Anyway, he might be still going when you read this. He says there’s some kind of bad stuff going on in America right now (???). Better go find out what he’s saying, lest you don’t hear about it! [CNN]
Japan and South Korea told Donald Trump and the United States to go fuck themselves yesterday, with an announcement from Beijing that the three nations would be responding to Trump’s tariffs as one body. That’s right, Trump has managed to get Japan and South Korea to prefer China to the United States. That’s how fucking stupid and bad at life the American president is. Just … holyfuckingshit. [Reuters]
It’s not just that they’re Nazis. It’s that they’re stupid, uneducated, careless and carefree Nazis. Also absolute monsters. At this point, should we believe anybody Trump sold into slavery in El Salvador was a gang member or a criminal? Or is the real reason he rounded up these people because they were Spanish-speaking people with darker skin than his, because he viciously hates Spanish-speaking people with darker skin than his? So, this latest is just as horrifying as every other story of DOY DOY DOY THAT GUY WE ABDUCTED AND TRADED INTO SLAVERY WASN’T A GANG MEMBER AT ALL! And in this case, the Trump administration admits they fucked up, admits they did an “administrative error,” and sent a dad who was legally in the US — who a judge determined was likely to face persecution in El Salvador — to Salvadoran slavery. They’re fixing it, right? Hahahahahahahaha! No, they don’t care. They say it’s out of their hands, which basically is a confession that they’re trading human beings into slavery in other countries. Donald Trump really is playing every white supremacist greatest hit in world history, isn’t he?
Anyway, here’s a thread:
Chuck Grassley is a goddamned moron. Let him explain to you in his own words why. [Wall Street Journal]
Meanwhile, the Wall Street Journal cannot believe Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is literally exactly as bad and insane as everybody said he would be. Huh! [WSJ]
Remember that whole thing where the DOGE incels and pigfucks were invading the United States Institute of Peace (USIP), which is actually a nonprofit, not a government agency at all, and shutting it down, etc.? It turns out that a big reason they might have wanted to do that is that they … wanted to steal the building for themselves? [Wired]
Vladimir Putin is finding new and creative ways to humiliate Donald Trump and make him his bitch this week. Trump is VERY MAD AND GRRR that Putin said all kinds of words that questioned the legitimacy of beloved Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy. (You read that last sentence correctly.) Therefore Trump is having a conniption and he’s going to make Putin go sleep on the couch with JD Vance, GRRR. None of this changes the fact that Trump is 100 percent Putin’s idiot puppet. Mary Trump explains. [The Good In Us]
For the Tucker Carlson/Christian nationalist Right, Hungary is what they want America to become, now that they’ve seized power. Yeah, well, about that. Turns out that, besides how the entire idea of Hungary as some utopia for hard-right Christian society is just about entirely a Potemkin village, Anne Applebaum explains that the verdict is in, and the fruits of Orban's governance in Hungary fucking suck. Which is, of course, kind of totally the point. [Atlantic]
I love Jasmine Crockett, you love Jasmine Crockett, everybody loves Jasmine Crockett, EXCEPT MAGA, which is totally pantshitting scared of her. At my Friday place, I examine why! Come by, and if you’re not subscribed yet IT’S TIME THAT YOU DO THAT. [The Moral High Ground]
Attorney General Nazi Barbie invented Post-Its is gonna give somebody 20 YEARS for vandalizing a Tesla dealership. Get it? Hurt a building where they sell Elon Musk’s ugly limpdick cars, YOU GET 20 YEARS! Do a terrorist attack on the US Capitol for Donald Trump? FULL PARDON! These people are so mindfuckingly corrupt, Jesus Christ.
Appeals court will NOT put a stay on the lower court’s ruling blocking Trump’s bigot Nazi transgender military ban. Fuck off. [Reuters]
President Dementia Test wants to run for a third term, wants to run against Barack Obama. Not downplaying it, because we know he’s serious about being a dictator until the day he dies, but fuck off. [NBC News]
The other night I was sitting by the fire pit — perhaps I had had a few drinks, but don’t worry, I didn’t share any secret war plans on Signal — and out of nowhere I put on the James Taylor double live record from 1993, which I love, but I probably hadn’t listened to in a decade. It’s a record I tend to put on when I’m in soooome kinda mood. I guess I was.
What do you listen to when you’re in SOME KINDA MOOD?
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Wonkitty on a road trip, still searching for that roadside attraction with the world’s biggest ball of yarn. https://open.substack.com/pub/martiniambassador/p/road-trip
And your meme chat: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/d284bc35-daa8-47e5-9e35-5458503fa7db?utm_source=share
With Booker's filibuster, Sen. Warnock now asking Cory Booker "a question", it is good to hear this discussion. Looks like that's how they are extending this, other senators can step in and ask a question, that is not really a question. They are sharing messages from constituents, talking about healthcare.