We Made The AI Write Stephen Miller's Dutiful Prince Hallmark Movie, Because F*ck It, Whatever

All ur writing jobs r belong to us.

Stephen Miller, Donald Trump's former Obersturmbannführer for immigration, has been very upset about Royal People who are a great disappointment to him. We guess that's a Serious Concern on the Weird Right lately, what with the new Netflix docu-series about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle that I literally just heard of while writing this story. Miller took a Twitter Break Thursday from ranting about the need to deport all the Dreamers, so he could cry about how sad it was that Harry had betrayedwhitenesshis royal heritage, and for what? To be the Half-Woke Prince?

“Prince Harry’s evident disdain for his own family, the extraordinary gift and responsibility of Royal birth, and the ancient rites of his own Kingdom, is a dramatic public illustration of the chronic ideological disease that compels the elites of civilization to turn against it.”

— Stephen Miller (@Stephen Miller) 1670525290 

Prince Harry’s evident disdain for his own family, the extraordinary gift and responsibility of Royal birth, and the ancient rites of his own Kingdom, is a dramatic public illustration of the chronic ideological disease that compels the elites of civilization to turn against it.

You know it's a Nazi when they start talking about "ideological disease." In this case, the "disease" appears to be the fact that Harry and Meghan discuss the racism they've faced, including in their own family. How declassé!

So NOW we know what was bugging him earlier in the morning, when he twote this suggestion for improving America's media landscape with an entertainment that would both amuse and enlighten. Such wholesome themes!

“Hallmark should make a movie about the royal prince of a fictional European monarchy who decides to marry based on the best interests of family and nation, selflessly fulfilling his patriotic duty as future sovereign.”

— Stephen Miller (@Stephen Miller) 1670506175 

Hallmark should make a movie about the royal prince of a fictional European monarchy who decides to marry based on the best interests of family and nation, selflessly fulfilling his patriotic duty as future sovereign.

Sounds enthralling, doesn't it? Like that line from "The West Wing" where John Larroquette is talking about Gilbert and Sullivan and trying to remember what play a line is from: "One of the ones about duty," and Ainsley, the earnest aide played by Emily Procter, shoots back "They're all about duty. And it's from Pinafore ."

Only Miller's wouldn't rhyme or be any fun, so scratch that comparison.

Still, we were up for a very slight challenge and we'd been looking for an excuse to try out the new "ChatGPT" AI toy from OpenAI , which has been all the rage for about five minutes because it's pretty good at generating text that sounds plausible, if repetitive after a very short while. (If you want to play with it, you'll need to create a free account.)

So we decided to fulfill Stephen Miller's Christmas TV Movie wish, since it hardly took any effort on our part. Here's our first try, with the prompt "write a script for a Hallmark movie about the royal prince of a fictional European monarchy who decides to marry based on the best interests of family and nation, selflessly fulfilling his patriotic duty as future sovereign."

First Try: 'Duty And Love'

The Royal Prince, David, sat in his chambers, staring at the piles of letters on his desk. As the future Sovereign of the Kingdom of Arcadia, it was his duty to choose a bride. But he was not just looking for a wife, he was looking for someone who could help him lead the kingdom into a brighter future.

David sighed and reached for a letter, reading through it quickly. He had received countless proposals from noblewomen across Europe, each one more eager than the last to marry the prince and become the future Queen of Arcadia. But David knew that he could not simply marry for love, he had to marry for the good of the kingdom.

As he read through the letters, he thought about the many challenges facing Arcadia. The kingdom was struggling economically, and tensions with its neighbors were growing. David knew that he needed a strong, intelligent, and capable partner to help him navigate these challenges and secure a prosperous future for the kingdom.

Finally, after much contemplation, David made his decision. He summoned his advisor and announced that he had chosen to marry Lady Elizabeth, the daughter of a powerful Duke from a neighboring kingdom. The marriage would not only be beneficial for Arcadia, but it would also strengthen the alliance between the two kingdoms and help to secure peace in the region.

The royal wedding was a grand affair, with people from across Europe coming to witness the union of Prince David and Lady Elizabeth. As they exchanged vows, David felt a sense of duty and responsibility, knowing that he was not just marrying for himself, but for the good of the kingdom.

But despite the practical nature of their marriage, David and Elizabeth soon found that they had a deep connection and genuine love for each other. As they worked together to lead Arcadia into a brighter future, they realized that their union was not just a political arrangement, but a true partnership of love and duty.

Rebecca, in the ChatCave, with a revolver: "Well, it was fast, but it's not a movie script. STUPID AI!!!!!" I tweaked the prompt a bit, asking the bot to write a script, with dialogue, for a single scene from Miller's ideal movie, and it spat out a perfectly adequate but bland conversation between another prince (Charles this time) and his loyal butler Jenkins, also about marrying for the good of the kingdom and how wise that is.

Finally I hit on what was needed: "Write a script, with dialogue, for a pivotal love scene from a Hallmark movie," etc.

Readers, prepare to be swept off your romantic dutiful feet.

Third Try: Talk Duty To Me, Baby

(Fine, that is Dok's title because he wants to stay ahead of the Machines)

Narrator: Prince Richard stood at the edge of the balcony, overlooking the bustling city below. As the future king of his small European nation, he had always known that his marriage would be a strategic political alliance. But now, as the day of his arranged marriage approached, he found himself struggling with the weight of his duty.

Prince Richard: (to himself) How can I marry someone I do not love? Is it selfish to want to marry for love, rather than for the good of my country?

Narrator: Just then, the door to the balcony opened and his betrothed, Princess Sophia, stepped out to join him.

Princess Sophia: (approaching Prince Richard) My lord, I did not expect to find you out here.

Prince Richard: (turning to Princess Sophia) Forgive me, Princess. I was just taking in the view.

Princess Sophia: (smiling) It is a beautiful city, is it not?

Prince Richard: (nodding) Indeed. It is my home, and I love it dearly. But sometimes, I cannot help but wonder if I am making the right decision.

Princess Sophia: (surprised) What do you mean, my lord?

Prince Richard: (sighing) My marriage to you is an arrangement, a political alliance for the good of our nations. But is that truly what I want?

Princess Sophia: (pausing, then taking Prince Richard's hand) My lord, I too have always known that our marriage was for the good of our countries. But over the past few months, I have come to care for you deeply. I know that we may not have the kind of love that is written about in fairy tales, but I believe that with time and effort, we can build a strong and loving marriage.

Prince Richard: (squeezing Princess Sophia's hand) You are wise beyond your years, Princess. I have been so caught up in my own doubts that I did not see how much you have come to mean to me. I will marry you, not out of a sense of duty, but because I want to be with you.

Narrator: And so, Prince Richard and Princess Sophia entered into their marriage with love in their hearts, knowing that they would face the challenges of ruling their nations together, hand in hand.

Princess Sophia: Hey! Let's take some immigrant children from their parents!

Prince Richard: NOW you're talkin', toots!

And that's why humans remain in charge, buster.

He loved her, especially since she was so well suited to be Head of State 

[ ChatGPT / Atlantic / Stable Diffusion AI / DreamStudio Lite AI ]

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