We Won't Have a Bald President

*Newt Gingrichmurders an old rival. [ NYT ]

*Dick Cheneywishes he could place electrodes on Iraqi testicles himself. [ WP ]

*Pat Buchananis all like, "Brown people are diluting the purity of our precious bodily fluids," and some Mexican Congressman is all like, "WTF?!?" [ Politico ]

*Rupert Murdochkeeps buying things, getting richer. NYT ]

*Mitt Romneyis gaining cred with the dumbest group of voters in the world. [ WP ]

* Nobody can do favors for donors quite like Jack Murtha. [ Roll Call ]

* Fat, lazy, old actor with cancer will begin hobbling from state to state in hopes of becoming the next incompetent president of the United States. [ The Hill ]

* We've stopped worrying about the decaying state of the nation and just decided to make some fucking money. [ Slate ]

* Now that everyone hates the GOP,Barrack Obamawants to make sure that nobody stops taking advantage of religious people in order to become president. [ The Hill ]

* Though there is a website that suggests thatMitt Romneyisn't "weird," listening to him talk/looking at home would indicate otherwise. [ Politico ]