Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Gorilla Monsoon!

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Greetings, Wonketeers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. It’s summer. Do you know what I love about summer? Tiki drinks. I haven’t done a tiki drink in ages. And I absolutely love tiki. Let’s talk about this little number I pulled together for Hemingway’s summer menu. I’ve wanted to make a coffee and banana-flavored cocktail for ages, and this one fits the bill wonderfully. Time to make a Gorilla Monsoon. Here’s the recipe:

Gorilla Monsoon

1 ½ oz cold espresso

1 ½ oz Gosling’s Bermuda Rum

1 oz banana liqueur

¾ oz pineapple juice

½ oz lime juice

½ oz coconut syrup

2 dashes tiki bitters

Shake all ingredients and pour into a tiki mug. Garnish with pineapple fronds and dried banana chips.

This is a riff on a cocktail written by Tim Harnett, aka Tonga Tim, one of the mentors at Tiki Underground. Tim will still teach classes about the versatility of the Mai Tai recipe or the evils of vodka. I learned a lot about the balance and joyful excess of tiki drinks from him; I’m hoping to take one of his classes again someday.

The cocktail itself is named after Robert Marella, aka Gorilla Monsoon, “the savage former Asiatic Champion hailing from Manchuria,” terror of sports entertainment. I can remember watching Gorilla Monsoon on Saturday morning wrestling as a kid. He was extremely hairy, extremely scary, and would literally eat the turnbuckle in protracted matches. He was a pretty good mentor in his later years; the producer’s closet just behind the ring at a wrestling match is called the “Gorilla Position” after him.

Coffee is astringent, but it’s not exceptionally acidic; orange juice has higher acid levels. When I first attempted this cocktail, I skipped the pineapple and lime, thinking the coffee would supply enough acid. The result was flat and lifeless — even the coffee flavors were muted. Rebalancing the cocktail with the right tropical flavors boosted every other taste in the glass, including the banana and coffee.

The biggest problem with coffee in cocktails is its volatility. If you’re a fan of a good cup of joe, you know the disappointment that comes from a mug of day-old coffee. Commercially bottled cold-brew coffee is a pretty solid substitute, but it doesn’t behave in a glass like true espresso. The difference between an espresso martini made with espresso and one made with cold brew is profound. Espresso cocktails, when you give them a good, hard shake, produce a frothy head of foam that just can’t be duplicated by cold brew. Use what you have, but espresso is best.

I’ve revised my recipe for this cocktail a few times this month. (I wrote down an earlier version of the drink at 10 PM on a Friday. Or at least, I think I did. Aside from the title, my notes were completely illegible. Too much field research.) The last adjustment I made to this drink was to swap out some coconut rum for coconut syrup. The acidity of the drink was too high with the rum involved; with the syrup, the ratio of sour to sweet was more balanced, and other flavors could express themselves.

Let’s talk ingredients:

Ingredient shot. Yes, we like Giffard.

Cold Espresso: If you want to make the best version of this drink possible, chill some espresso from a moka pot. We use liters of cold espresso from a local barista. Cold-brew coffee is acceptable but not as good.

Gosling’s Bermuda Rum: This rich caramel and spice rum complements the coffee and banana flavors of the drink beautifully. Bacardi 4-year would also be a great choice in this glass.

Banana Liqueur: Giffard Creme de Banana is best. 99 Bananas will do in a pinch.

Pineapple Juice: Fresh pineapple juice is a little too acidic for most cocktails. I use the little cans from Dole at home.

Lime Juice: Always fresh. One of my fellow bartenders comes into Hemingways on Tuesdays just to squeeze limes for the week. You can make the effort to squeeze a lime at home.

Giffard Coconut Syrup: Giffard is the gold standard, but Torrini will do in a pinch. Don’t use creme de coconut; it’s basically coconut frosting. Canned cream of coconut isn’t sweet enough, and it separates in the can.

Tiki Bitters: I’m currently using this brand of bitters at work. When time permits, I’m going to make up my own batch of pirate bitters and compare it to the commercial stuff.

My home bar is Hemingway’s Underground, the hottest cocktail bar in pretty little Medina, Ohio. I’m behind the stick Wednesday-Saturday, 4-10. Last call’s at midnight. Swing on by, and I’ll make a drink for you… or anything else from our little Happy Hour here at Wonkette. We’ll make it through this together.

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