Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Filthy Martini!

Because dirty isn't dirty enough.

Go ahead. You know you like it dirty.

Greetings, Wonketeers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. I’ve been writing a lot of fun original cocktails lately. It’s time to circle back and talk about some classics for a while. I wrote about the dirty martini a few years ago; I wasn’t very kind to the drink then. The recipe I was working with seemed fairly bland. Now that I’ve learned more tricks of the trade, I know how to turn the flavor on this country club staple up to 11. Time to make a Filthy Martini. Here’s the recipe:

Filthy Martini

3 oz olive oil infused Tito’s Vodka

¾ oz olive brine

½ oz Cocci Americano

3 pimento-stuffed cocktail olives, plus more for garnish

4-5 whole black peppercorns

2 dashes celery bitters

Add brine, Cocci Americano, olives, peppercorns, and bitters to a cocktail vessel. Lightly muddle the olives and peppercorns. Add vodka and ice. Stir until the outside of the vessel is cold to the touch. Double strain into a martini glass. Garnish with an odd number of olives.

Olive Oil Infused Vodka

½ cup olive oil

750ml Tito’s vodka

Pour ½ cup of vodka from the bottle. Add the olive oil to the remaining vodka. Shake well. Store in the freezer overnight. The next day, break the frozen fat cap with a chopstick or stirrer. Strain the vodka out of the bottle through a coffee filter into a clean vessel. Keep refrigerated.

Let’s address the elephant in the room now: This Is Not A Proper Martini. A “proper” martini is top-notch gin, a whisper of dry vermouth, and a pretty garnish. I do like those martinis. But at the modern bar, “martinis” refer to just about anything served in a martini glass. I’ve served dirty martinis, chocolate martinis, apple-tinis, chai martinis, and more in my time behind the stick. Ultimately, a martini is what a customer calls a martini, and I’m not too interested in making a customer unhappy to be “right.”

This briny, savory cocktail is a far cry from a sweet dessert martini. When I’ve made dirty martinis in the past, they’ve followed the same formula as the classic — vodka and olive brine, in the same proportions as gin and vermouth in the classic. This go-around, I decided to boost the olive and savory notes to the max. I’ve fat-washed vodka with olive oil for a Caprese Martini before. This seemed like a terrific place to try the same technique. Muddling olives sounds like a bold new strategy, but it’s how the original dirty martini was crafted in 1901 by John O’Connor. Adding black pepper provided an herbal component that cut through the brine. I did want a whisper of vermouth to help define this as a “martini.” Cocci Americano has enough earthiness to harmonize with the brine and olive properly. I still felt the drink needed more herbaceousness. Rummaging deep in my liquor cabinet, I found some celery bitters I’d previously used as a secret weapon for Bloody Marys. Just a dash or two here brightened the whole drink. The result looks dirty in a way that a brine and vodka cocktail can’t match. Muddling in the olives adds welcome color and depth of flavor to the drink.

Salty, savory cocktails aren’t my thing, but as I worked through the iterations of this recipe, l began to see the charm. On its own, this drink wasn’t my idea of enjoyable. But with food, this martini hits the spot. A dirty martini pairs with a cheese plate, a shrimp cocktail, or a good steak in a way that my usual rum or tequila drinks don’t. Maybe it’s not a “proper” martini anymore, but this dirty martini is unapologetically its own thing and is much better for it.

Let’s talk ingredients:

Ingredient shot. Boscoli is a local olive brine company that’s pretty good and really dirty.

Olive oil-infused vodka: Any vodka is fine, but Tito’s is popular and they’re nice to dogs. Use full-bodied olive oil, like Spanish olive oil, instead of extra virgin olive oil for the infusion.

Olive brine: Use a bottled olive brine instead of brine straight from the jar. It’s more sanitary and provides crisper flavor.

Cocci Americano: This herbal aperitif wine is a kissing cousin to vermouth. It’s slightly earthy and dry, which makes it ideal for a modern martini.

Cocktail olives: When muddling, an olive without stuffing would be ideal. Only use one olive or three for garnishing; an even number is bad luck.

Black peppercorns: A culinary friend suggested rosemary or pickled garlic might work here as well. I’m dubious, but it would be worth the experiment.

Celery bitters: Optional, but a welcome tool to make the olive and brine flavors harmonize.

In summary and conclusion, drink well, drink often, and tip your bartender — donate to Wonkette at the link below!

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We aren’t linking to Amazon anymore, because fuck Bezos. Go read The Martini Book: 201 Ways to Mix The Perfect American Cocktail, by Sally Ann Berk. Just in case there are any martini purists left who haven’t blown their stack.

You can find me on Bluesky at @samuraigrog!

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