Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The White Linen!

A gin cocktail with all the toppings.

That cucumber peel was a pain to work with, but it make the drink really pretty.

Greetings, Wonketeers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. Spring is really, truly here now, honest. I’ve been a little stir crazy these past few weeks in Ohio. Time to make a completely over the top summer drink, something with all the ingredients that make a gin cocktail good. Let’s make a White Linen. Here’s the recipe: 

 White Linen

1 ½ oz Vim & Petal Gin

½ oz St. Germain Elderflower Liqueur 

½ oz lemon juice

½ oz honey syrup

4 English cucumber slices 

2 oz sparkling wine

Cucumber peel garnish

Peel a long slice of cucumber lengthwise. Wet the peel and, using a cocktail spoon, adhere it in a long spiral to the inside of the glass. Add the honey syrup, lemon juice, St. Germain, and cucumber slices to the cocktail shaker. Gently muddle the cucumber. Add gin and ice to the cocktail shaker and shake until cold. Double strain into the cocktail glass, pouring directly into the center of the glass without touching the edges. Add the champagne, pouring directly into the center of the glass. Serve. 

So, dirty secret: Bartenders steal recipes shamelessly. We’ll taste something we like at the bar down the street, play with the ingredients we taste, add something, swap something, and call it our own. It’s a fun game, but to make it work you need to know what flavors work well together. Add an ingredient that doesn’t cooperate, and your cocktail ends up flat.

This cocktail is a case study on how to do it wrong, and how to do it better. My wife forwards me interesting cocktail recipes she finds on Pinterest. She found a recipe for a drink called the “White Linen” last week and read it to me while we were driving home from work. It sounded nice, but one ingredient seemed off. Instead of lemon juice, the drink called for lime juice. Lemon works wonderfully with gin; we see it in the Bee’s Knees and the French 75. But lemon and lime juice aren’t interchangeable in a cocktail. Lemon juice is more acidic than lime juice, and the flavor is more distinct. That sounded like an amateur ingredient swap to me. 

A quick Internet search found me the “real” White Linen — a cocktail by Rene Dominguez in 2000 from the Shady Lady Saloon in San Francisco. It seems the drink has legs; they were selling canned versions in 2017. The real deal recipe looks good, but I spotted some ingredients that I could swap successfully to make it my own. 

Simple syrup is the easiest thing to play with in any cocktail. It’s literally just granulated sugar and water; replacing it with something more flavorful is a no-brainer. For gin, my go-to is honey syrup, another ingredient in the Bee’s Knees. Soda water lengthens a cocktail and mutes some flavors; replacing it with sparkling wine is easy. I’ve sold dozens of French 75s in my career, I know that champagne and gin go great together. Making those swaps gives us a rather ridiculous mashup of every good gin drink ever in one glass: an elderflower cucumber Bee’s Knees 75. It’s a busy drink, but very tasty. 

Let’s talk ingredients:

Ingredient shot. I didn’t include the maimed cucumber and honey bear in the shot, for the sake of composition.

Vim & Petal Gin: This is a lovely botanical gin made locally in Columbus, Ohio, by Middle West Spirits. There’s no discernible juniper and lots of gentle floral notes. I’d suggest Hendricks as an alternative. There’s a Hendricks variation called “Flora Adora” on the market now that looks particularly appealing. Avoid a London Dry like Beefeater for this drink. 

Saint Germain Elderflower Liqueur: A sweet liqueur that plays beautifully with other floral, springtime flavors. Thankfully, it’s available in half pints; delicate liqueurs like this are a bit pricey for the home bar. 

Lemon juice: Always use fresh. Plastic lemons give you plastic juice. 

Honey syrup: 50/50 water and honey, heated until the honey dissolves. 

English Cucumber: I cut paper thin slices on a mandolin; if you’re using a knife, make it 2 slices. The cucumber can take over the drink, so be stingy. 

Sparkling wine: I’m using Cook’s Brut champagne here. Demi-sec would work fine, but be careful with extra sweetness in the glass. It’s easy to turn this drink into a sugar bomb. 

Preparation and garnish: The long slice of cucumber peel is annoying to work with, but it really does make the drink pretty. Wet the cucumber ribbon before putting it in the glass; it will stick to the interior wall of the glass more easily. You’ll have to finagle it a little with a cocktail spoon to make it stick where you want. Double strain the drink to keep cucumber sludge from ending up in the glass. 

In summary and conclusion, drink well, drink often, and tip your bartender — donate to Wonkette at the link below!  

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