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We're All Dying To Hear The Story Behind Your Tattoo!
It's National Tattoo Story Day!
Today is a lot of things. It’s national Batman Day, and if Stephen were here today, which he is not, he would probably be very excited. I am neutral on the subject so long as no one asks me where Batman is. Because let me tell you, it does get old. It’s also National Eat An Apple Day and National Cinnamon Raisin Bread Day, which I didn’t know before I started eating these grapes. Oh well!
Oh, and it is National Tattoo Story Day. Figured we’d go with that one to celebrate, because people seem to like telling the stories behind their tattoos! There is, surprisingly, actually a story behind the zero tattoos that I have.
Back when I was a terribly pretentious 17-year-old, I thought about it a lot. And I did kind of want a tattoo back then. So one day, I walk into my mom’s room and I say “Mom, I know you said I shouldn’t get any tattoos, but I thought of something that would be like, really cool and meaningful.”
To be fair, she did actually say I could get a tattoo, but only if that tattoo was a large battleship across my chest.
I then explained to her that I just loved Edna St. Vincent Millay so much that I thought it would be neat to get a tattoo of two figs and some thistles. So my mom looks at me, takes a drag off of her Winston 100, and says “Robyn, do you know what figs look like?”
“Balls, Robyn. They look like balls.”
And that is the story of why I really just do not trust myself when it comes to putting anything on my body in a permanent fashion. I just … my judgement is not great. I’m also glad that I didn’t because I would hate to be reminded of what a terribly embarrassing person I was at various stages of my life.
Your present this week is pretty exciting! Now, we are all aware that Van Morrison is a douchebag now, but is he enough of a douchebag that we have to stop liking his music? Eh, I’m gonna say no on that one. So this week I am bringing you the great Van Morrison song “Ring Worm,” in which our anti-vax friend informs you that you have ringworm, while strumming an out-of-tune guitar.
This is not from an experimental phase he went through, so much as he had to write a fuckton of songs in order to fulfill his obligations to his first label so he could ditch them and go to Warner Brothers, and this was one of them. Again, he is pretty terrible now, but I’m glad I know this song exists so that I can send it to anyone I know who turns out to have Ring Worm.
As a bonus, another thing found on the Obscure Media subreddit this week — Laura Branigan’s semi-cover of Falco’s Der Kommissar, which is a straight up jam.
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