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We're Just Glad They're Not Using 9/11 for Political Purposes
As you may have heard, voting for John Kerry will cause us to be attacked by terrorists. Which is weird, because we keep hearing that Kerry is pro-terrorist. Vice President Cheney apparently knows better: "[I]f we make the wrong choice," he said yesterday, "then the danger is that we'll get hit again." Fearing that he may have been too subtle, Cheney also warned that should Bush fail to be re-elected, the waters will rise, the seas will boil, blood shall rain down upon the land, and terrorists will visit upon the house of each individual Kerry voter and there shall be a great wailing and gnashing of teeth. Cheney then brought his cloak across his face, laughed maniacally and disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving his support staff to cast goat entrails to determine the fate of the world should the GOP lose the Senate.