What Horror Awaits As Soon As Trix Goes On Vacay? An Important Wonkette Poll Of Importance!

See ya wouldn't wanna be ya!

HEY FUCKERS. I AM GOING ON VACATION, STARTING NOW, AND I AM LEAVING YOU FOR NINE ENTIRE DAYS IN A ROW.

Unless you're in Seattle (see you Saturday, 4 to 7 p.m. at Discovery Park!) or Bellingham (Sunday, 2 to 5 p.m. at Sunnyland Park!), or Spokane (Sun., Aug. 19, 2 to 5 p.m. at Audubon Park!). But the REST of you sluts I will not be seeing at all!

You will be in the capable hands of Evan, supported by Dok, Dom, Robyn, $5F, Stephen and Wonderbitch. (OH! Stephen AND DOK will be in Seattle too! You should probably ride your bike to the train to the bus to the park and see us!) But that is not important. What is important is: WHAT HORRIFYING NEWS STORY IS GOING TO FORCE ME TO LEAVE MY ISLAND, GET ON A BOAT, AND GO TO THE INTERNET CAFE ON THE OTHER ISLAND?

How Is Trump Going To Fuck Up Trix's Vacay? A Poll Without Voting Buttons Because The Embed Fucked Up My Website.

• Fires Mueller

• Fires Rosenstein

• Kushner Indicted

• Junior Indicted

• A, B, C and D

• Nukes some shit obvs

• I'm not saying it was aliens, but you DID see Mike Pence's Space Force thing right?

• Nothing Trix, shut the fuck up and GTFO.

Well okeydokey, my Terrible Ones! If you need shit while I'm gone, email Dok I guess (doktorzoom at wonkette dot com), and don't buy any Wonkette Bazaar merch unless it can wait for shipping for 10 days, and Be Excellent to Each Other.

OPEN THREAD BITCHFACES! And GIVE ME MONEY.