What Weird, Pointless Lie Is Trump's White House Telling About Melania Today?

Plagiarism is Magic!

Melania Trump, we don't have that much of a hate-on for her. We don't like her very much, and we find her Resting Scowling Robot Face frankly sort of terrifying instead of attractive, but we at least respect how she doesn't want to be in the zip code as her husband, who is creepy and a pig.

But Donald Trump's White House -- and before that, his campaign -- can't stop telling weird lies about her! First his campaign website claimed she had a college degree (why? she was a model! it's fine!) when she didn't (okay, and she also lied under oath about it), then there was that tiny plagiarism flap when Sean Spicer explained she was really plagiarizing "My Little Pony," and there have been some ... questions ... about when she arrived in the US and whether she immigrated legally, and thepromised press conference with her lawyer just sort of disappeared, and whatever. At least the thing about her immigration had a point, which was, "hey, our guy says he is against illegal immigration, except when it is his wife or his Polish construction workers, we should probably tell some lies."

But today it's just ... what the fuck, Trump White House?

Alert Twitter person (and BloombergTV guy) David Gura noticed something hinky when Melania Trump read to the children at New York Presbyterian hospital, and that was "the White House just made up a whole bunch of fake dialogue to put in Melania Trump's mouth for no reason at all except they can't stop lying." Witness!

Here are all the quotes from the pool report:

• We will read some books today. Do you know what is today? It's a reading day! So I came to encourage you to read -- and to think about what you want to achieve in life.

• This is one of my favorite books! This one is from my library.

•  Coming to a passage about a "slump":  So sometimes you don't feel good, right? But then what do you do?

•  Reading : You'll go places where you feel better. You'll be as famous as famous can be. With the whole wide world watching you win on TV!

• Do you like the book? I will leave it here. I encourage you all to read a lot, to get educated!

And here is what the White House says she said:

• Loving to read early in life has the power to make each one of you a lifelong learner.

• Dr. Seuss has brought so much joy, laughter and enchantment into children's lives all around the globe for generations. Through his captivating rhymes, Dr. Seuss has delighted and inspired children while teaching them to read, to dream, and to care.

• Education is a great equalizer and nothing can be more critical to achieving empowerment than reading and literacy.

To clarify, the pool report isn't a total transcript, just a few representative quotes. But does anybody think the woman who said the things in the pool report said the things in the White House readout?

Just ... why do that? Why not let her say things with an Eastern European cadence? NOBODY THINKS SHE IS A PROFESSOR OF COMPARATIVE BOOK JACKET BLURBS AND INSPIRATIONAL KITTEN POSTER COPY AT HARVARD.

This has been your With All The Other Lies You Are Telling Lately What Even The Fuck Is This About Trump White House for Friday, March 3, 2017. Check back in a couple of hours, probs, for more.