Reddit user "oldbean" asks the question that would have already been running through all of our heads, if we weren't such godless scum:
Will Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich have ash on their foreheads in tonight's [CNN] debate?
HUH. Good question! Here are the predictions your Wonkette overlords made in the super double-secret plus cubed chatroom where we set the liberal homosexual agenda.
Liz C.: Hmmm. Hard to think of anything else besides "santorum," the non-proper noun.
Jim N.: Newt will have a spoonful of semen in his mouth.
Kirsten J.: Rick will probably be wearing the small soft-bristle children's toothbrush he usually has inserted in his anus at any given time that helps him keep that appearance like he can't slouch even if he tries, but I should think of something Lent-related.
Ken L.: Newt's will just be a smear of blood-red lipstick from a trollop. Santorum's will be a splash of santorum.
Will Mitt follow suit, like the clever intelligence-gathering robot he is? Is Catholicism even legal in Ron Paul's Texas? Join us tonight for answers, and LIVE-BLOGGING, by a Jim Newell hologram! [ Reddit ]
Ew. It smells like ash in here.