When Is The Debate Tonight? Where Can You Watch The Debate? WHY, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY?

We're here for you. We'll get through this together.

Just a quick reminder that Joe Biden and that orange fellow will be meeting for their second televised debate tonight at 9 p.m. Eastern, broadcast on all the networks, the cable news channels, and livestreamed right here at Wonkette while Yr Editrix livebloogs the whole insane spectacle as long as her brain holds out. We cannot rule out the possibility that we may all be driven mad like an HP Lovecraft character reading an accursed eldritch text. So come and gibber in ancient and obscene tongues with us, won't you?

Remember, this time around, the Commission on Presidential Debates has decreed that for the first two minutes of each candidate's response, the other candidate's mic will be muted, which Donald Trump has already protested as an unconstitutional infringement of his Article "People love that I'm an asshole" rights. We'll turn the volume up a little to see if Trump nonetheless rants while Biden is speaking.

Moderator Kristen Welker of NBC News has announced six general topics, which will each get 15 minutes of "discussion." Let's list them here, with a table indicating what each candidate will discuss during that segment:

TopicWhat Biden will talk aboutWhat Trump will talk aboutFighting COVID-19Fighting COVID-19Hunter BidenAmerican FamiliesAmerican FamiliesHunter BidenRace in AmericaRace in AmericaRiots, Hunter Biden, semi-deniable
"Turner Diaries" allusionClimate ChangeClimate ChangeHunter Biden, banning cows & planesNational SecurityNational SecurityHunter Biden Ukraine, Hunter Biden ChinaLeadershipMy friend Barack ObamaDick size, antifa, Hunter Biden,
the 1984 New Jersey Generals lineup

We have also learned, from the Twitters, that Trump is planning a devastating surprise that's sure to shake Mr. Biden to his core!

Trump aides have been telling people that the big surprise in store for tonight's debate is he's bringing Tony Bobu… https: //t.co/cg6xG3ZKid

— Edward-Isaac Dovere (@Edward-Isaac Dovere) 1603395072.0 

OH NO, NOT TONY BOBULINSKI!

We'll have the livebloog up for you to read around 8: 45 Eastern. If you forget to bring something to drink / a comfort object, that's on YOU.

In the meantime, please buy literally all the Joe Biden and Kamala Harris merches from your Wonkette Bazaar. 

It's your open thread!

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