Now that we're all destined to become fat sacks of trash, it's especially important that Washingtonians be able to easily access their beloved foodstuffs. Whereas in Real America, finding nutrient dense cow anus is as simple as following the sloshing sounds of jiggling fat to the nearest strip mall or drive-thru, finding semi-edible poison in D.C. can be slightly more challenging, as just four tiny snowflakes can render the entire city helpless. But the nation’s obesity epidemic will not thrive unless becoming fat is a joy everyone truly shares, and thanks to a new
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