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Where's Your Roy Cohn, Donald Trump? Oh That's Right, He's In Hell.
This fucker right here.
Hooray, or the opposite of that! We have our first after-hours breaking news story of 2018, and it is that Donald Trump committed so much more obstruction of justice with the James Comey firing and the Russia investigation than we EVER knew, and special counsel Robert Mueller already knows about it. The story was broken by Michael Schmidt in the New York Times , the same guy who captured Trump's unsupervised rant at Mar-a-Lago last week. The first thing you need to know is that Donald Trump wants to know where the hell "his Roy Cohn" is, because he's used to having unethical fixers to fix his unethical shit for him, and doesn't understand that the attorney general of the United States of America is not actually his personal lawyer/dick-fluffer. Also apparently he is not aware that the actual Roy Cohn, who mentored him, is sucking cock in hell right now as a punishment for being one of the worst pieces of shit ever to walk this earth.
The scene: Trump had ordered White House counsel Don McGahn to make sure Attorney General Jeff Sessions wouldn't recuse himself from the Russia probe, even though Sessions is literally covered in Russian dressing. And now the outburst:
Mr. McGahn was unsuccessful, and the president erupted in anger in front of numerous White House officials, saying he needed his attorney general to protect him. Mr. Trump said he had expected his top law enforcement official to safeguard him the way he believed Robert F. Kennedy, as attorney general, had done for his brother John F. Kennedy and Eric H. Holder Jr. had for Barack Obama.
Mr. Trump then asked, “Where’s my Roy Cohn?” He was referring to his former personal lawyer and fixer, who had been Senator Joseph R. McCarthy’s top aide during the investigations into communist activity in the 1950s and died in 1986.
As we said, Donald, he is in hell right now.
We also learn in the NYT scoop more detail about Donald Trump's original hate letter to James Comey, the one he drafted at Bedminster with Stephen Miller the weekend before he fired Comey. This is also the letter White House counsel said UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES was Trump allowed to release. Apparently the very first line, the very first justification for firing Comey, was that the Russia probe was "fabricated and politically motivated." How's that for evidence Trump fired Comey for the purpose of obstructing the Russia investigation? (As if Trump's confession to NBC's Lester Holt wasn't enough LOLOL.)
After his pathetic angerbear words were rejected by the White House counsel, Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein was tasked with writing an actual letter justifying the Comey firing, but the breaking news here -- the news that could get Rosenstein disbarred, WONKETTE LAWSPLAINER COMING SOON -- is that he knew exactly what that original letter said, therefore he knew exactly what he was covering up:
On Monday, May 8, Mr. Trump met with Mr. Sessions and Mr. Rosenstein to discuss firing Mr. Comey, and Mr. Rosenstein agreed to write his own memo outlining why Mr. Comey should be fired. Before writing it, hetook a copy of the letterthat Mr. Trump and Mr. Miller had drafted during the weekend in Bedminster.
The president fired Mr. Comey the following day.
Do we all remember the hilarious letter Rosenstein wrote, about how Trump was firing Comey because he was UNFAIR TO HILLARY CLINTON? It was horseshit then (by which we mean everything Rosenstein wrote about Comey's unprofessionalism in shivving Hillary Clinton a week before the election was absolutely true, but ALSO that it was an absolutely true PRETEXT to fire James Comey, thereby obstructing justice) and it's horseshit now. Especially if we're looking at Trump's Twitter this morning:
ROSENSTEIN KNEW . He knew exactly what he was doing, and if he is a decent lawyer, he knows he was obstructing justice for Donald Trump. Why he is throwing away his career and his integrity and his reputation in service of the orange pussgrabbing ne'er-do-well in the Oval Office, we cannot imagine, but again, more lawsplaining on that later!
Another fascinating angle of this is that, in the days leading up to the Comey firing, a lawyer from the White House counsel's office actively misled Trump about his own power to fire the FBI director, much like the US intelligence community withholds information from Trump -- or hides it from him by describing it with words instead of colorful pictures -- they deem too hot for his not-yet-fully-formed mind to handle:
After [James Comey publicly revealed that the FBI was investigating the Trump campaign] Mr. Trump began to discuss openly with White House officials his desire to fire Mr. Comey. This unnerved some inside the White House counsel’s office, and even led one of Mr. McGahn’s deputies to mislead the president about his authority to fire the F.B.I. director.
The lawyer, Uttam Dhillon, was convinced that if Mr. Comey was fired, the Trump presidency could be imperiled, because it would force the Justice Department to open an investigation into whether Mr. Trump was trying to derail the Russia investigation.
Longstanding analysis of presidential power says that the president, as the head of the executive branch, does not need grounds to fire the F.B.I. director. Mr. Dhillon, a veteran Justice Department lawyer before joining the Trump White House, assigned a junior lawyer to examine this issue. That lawyer determined that the F.B.I. director was no different than any other employee in the executive branch, and that there was nothing prohibiting the president from firing him.
But Mr. Dhillon, who had earlier told Mr. Trump that he needed cause to fire Mr. Comey, never corrected the record, withholding the conclusions of his research.
Naughty naughty! Uttam Dhillon is apparently not Donald Trump's Roy Cohn! Of course, this is not generally how lawyering works. You are not supposed to hide correct information from your clients! Then again, the office of White House counsel isn't actually the lawyer for Donald Trump, but rather for the office of the presidency , so it will be interesting to see how this plays out.
Other obstruction of justice news broken by the Times includes the fact that former chief of staff Reince Priebus took notes in real time that said Trump told him he had called Comey to try to obstruct justice for him by saying Trump wasn't personally under investigation by the FBI.
After Comey's testimony, Jeff Sessions, sad and wounded from being yelled at 24 hours a day by President Diapershits, tried to help obstruct justice too:
Two days after Mr. Comey’s testimony, an aide to Mr. Sessions approached a Capitol Hill staff member asking whether the staffer had any derogatory information about the F.B.I. director. The attorney general wanted one negative article a day in the news media about Mr. Comey, according to a person with knowledge of the meeting.
Oh fiddlesticks! All these career public servants throwing their careers in the garbage for Donald Trump!
As we said above, Robert Mueller knows about this, and the Times also reveals that he's taking a hard look-see at the bullshit lie letter Donald Trump dictated on Air Force One about his misshapen firstborn son's hot sexxxy spy meeting with the Russian spies in Trump Tower. We don't know if Mueller has enough to take Trump all the way down on obstruction of justice charges, but our educated guess is NOT JUST YES BUT OH FUCK YES.
2018 is only five days old, kids.
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[ New York Times ]