Whoever's Coming To RFK Jr.'s Circle Jerk Birthday Party, It Ain't Dionne Warwick
Saaaaaaaaaad.
Know that sad thing where a conservative organization or other social outcast sends out an invite for an event featuring BIG NAMES! but when you look more closely, it says those people have simply been invited to appear? Or more embarrassingly, that they haven’t been confirmed? Which often means they actually haven’t been invited in the first place, they’re just hoping if they manifest it, it will come?
Sure, dudes! Famous people are coming to your wingnut political conference and/or 16th birthday party! You definitely have something to live for!
It’s sadder when they haven’t even been invited, and then one of those famous names calls them out publicly like “LOL da fuck?” and then confirms before God and man that they would never hang out with your pathetic stank ass.
Such is the predicament known lunatic and attempted spoiler candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. now finds himself in. Whatever mental abscess runs the Twitter account for Kennedy’s super PAC American Values 2024 bragged last week that, according to oracle of absolute truth Daily Mail, Kennedy was having a big 70th birthday party/fundraiser on Janunary 22, and all these cool people were coming!
Dionne Warwick was coming! Martin Sheen was coming! Mike Tyson was coming! Andrea Bocelli was coming! Fellow correct and sane and normal person Naomi Wolf was tagged in the tweet for some reason!
But — bizarrely wobbly-voiced record scratch! — that report now has a Twitter community note added, because Dionne Warwick caught wind of it and explained that LMAO fuck off, in the meanest, most public way possible:
“I don’t know anything about this event. I did not agree to it and I certainly won’t be there,” she tweeted.
She followed up by tagging the Daily Mail, you know how inconsolable they get when they make a rare journalistic error.
And then she followed up again:
If 2024 is going to be full of people like Dionne Warwick publicly humiliating people like Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and the goons who suck on his pantlegs, we are here for it.
Oh man.
No word we’ve heard on whether other names like Andrea Bocelli and Martin Sheen will also be no-shows or imaginary friends at Kennedy’s birthday party, but it’s possible. Maybe Bocelli will purple nurple Kennedy like he did Donald Trump in 2016 when he backed out of performing at his sad inauguration.
The Daily Beast notes that if you’d like to go to RFK Jr.’s birthday party, you can do so for the low price of between $2,500 and $50,000. We are sure people are kicking down doors and skipping their tetanus shots to get on that list. Or maybe footage from the event will leak and it’ll just be a bunch of unvaccinated stuffed animals sitting around a fake tea party with Kennedy at the head of the table in a Burger King crown, fully not understanding what is happening but just happy to be there.
In related RFK Jr. news, Mary Trump reported this week that Kennedy has just hired as his comms director Del Bigtree, a fellow lunatic anti-vaxxer who literally was a speaker at Donald Trump’s January 6 insurrection rally. So that is absolutely on brand and tracks with everything we know about that loathsome, metastasized piece of dogshit.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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Saddest thing is when you have to invite your Canadian girlfriend to your birthday because you've already pissed off your entire family and they aren't coming.
"...Dionne Warwick caught wind of it and explained that LMAO fuck off, in the meanest, most public way possible"
That's what friends are for.