369 Comments
User's avatar
beb's avatar

I've never smoked in my life, but now I feel like lighting up a cigarette.

William Donnell's avatar

I'm considering a sex change just to visit the isle of Lesbos.

Parakeetist's avatar

Oh Lort! A giant sale of one of my favorite places to buy food just took place. King Kullen was sold to Giant's Meat.

My favorite place to go buy food was Pathmark. They still exist.

That place had a No Frills brand that was literally marked No Frills. Whether you were buying fruit juice, or a macaroni and cheese, the box just said No Frills, and it had some red, white and blue stripes on it.

Marlon Rando's avatar

Giant's Meat. The name says it all.

William Donnell's avatar

I have issues! One of you sumbitches irresponsibly posted downthread "something something KNOCK KNOCK something" which, rather than the tried and true "knockers, heh heh", rang my Poe bone. Now, for at least the rest of the day I'll hear everything in the complex, compelling meter of THE RAVEN, and every expression will be a piss-poor copy, e.g. "While I dithered in the grotto, feeling silly, getting blotto..."

Thanks, Biden!

Shallow state's avatar

That was me! I'm the sumbitch! My work here is done. Everything else I accomplish today is just icing on the cake.

Raccoon of Vengeance's avatar

Speaking of straight people. Klobuchar is going for the horny vote with her firefighter ads.

Schmannity's avatar

A Kansas Family Found 2,055 Brown Recluse Spiders In Their Home In 6 Months. Nobody In The Family Was Ever Bitten

https://studyfinds.com/a-kansas-family-found-2055-brown-recluse-spiders-in-their-home-in-6-months-nobody-in-the-family-was-ever-bitten/

Teen Laqueefa's avatar

They're everywhere here, I've been bitten once when I put on a glove with one inside and it did little to nothing to me.

OneYieldRegular's avatar

Which family member got put in charge of counting?

Schmannity's avatar

They just kept track of the number of ID bands used in the capture and release.

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

Archie, the Ginger Menace™, has found the fresh cat grass and is grazing away.

Stranger Than Friction's avatar

So I just watched the Hilton ad and I can tell you, there's nothing young lesbians in love together (LILTs) like more than being flagrantly condescended to by some guy who "groks" their lifestyle and tries to 'splain to them their voting rights and procedures. Mmm mmm mmm. What an asshole. GO BECERRA!

Thanks Brooke Binkowski for making me laugh out loud today. As to hair color preferences, for me it's purple or GTFO.

YaJagoff's avatar

The White House announced plans Friday night to send $90 payments to more than 20 million older Americans, with President Donald Trump tying the initiative to his broader push to lower health care costs. https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other/trump-announces-plan-to-send-90-payments-to-millions-of-seniors/ar-AA2dus8O?cvpid=633b365297aa4524f7d59ea4cb3f3079

Teen Laqueefa's avatar

Throwing pennies at old people won't gain you any votes Dickstein.

Dorothea is a Democrat's avatar

Aren't seniors on Medicare?

R. Riddle's avatar

I saw a news report quoting one former Trump voter saying "That wouldn't even fill my gas tank."

Saviour of Bread's avatar

“Former”? Yeah, right.

Free beach's avatar

That’ll pay my $750 a month premium right off!

tehbaddr's avatar

That young man Donald Trump is such a nice boy sending us money!

R. Riddle's avatar

He's giving everyone else the molded Mary Jane peanut butter taffy from the bottom of his purse.

tehbaddr's avatar

Fucking Mary Janes! I loved those for Halloween as a kid!

Our_Man_In_Redneckistan's avatar

You can’t buy a decent sit-down dinner for $90. Cheap goddamn pimp.

tehbaddr's avatar

Au contraire! There's a white linen table cloth Sezchuan place near me where you can do that including apps, drinks, main, sides, dessert ,and tip!

Our_Man_In_Redneckistan's avatar

In July I paid $122 for a birthday dinner at a place we’d eyefucked for years.

tehbaddr's avatar

Must have been high end. Yeah it can cost that and way more. But not always.

Edit: Have you ever dined at Luger's?

Our_Man_In_Redneckistan's avatar

This was the best restaurant meal either of us has had in years.

tehbaddr's avatar

OK, so it was a great experience and well paid for.

Dorothea is a Democrat's avatar

Everybody knows it is a bribe.

tehbaddr's avatar

And he will surely send those checks!

LucyFootball.gif

Saviour of Bread's avatar

Oh Jojo, what are you wearing?

It’s Strictly o’clock and I’m starting to think Johannes might be a little bit camp.

OneYieldRegular's avatar

Between this and Hilton's incredibly embarrassing "authentic street taco" incident at a Del Taco, he really seems to be bungling his attempt to go for the votes of taco lovers.

Innocent_Bystander's avatar

ZOMG really? I'm going to have to go find that.

Antifa Commander's avatar

"authentic street taco" incident at a Del Taco

Hoo boy.

tehbaddr's avatar

Hey! You can hook up at Chi Chi's!

FrancescoTheMagnificent's avatar

Better than eating there…

Free beach's avatar

I’m beginning to think this guy ain’t from Merica!

Isn’t that disqualifying in MAGAland?

OneYieldRegular's avatar

Nothing is disqualifying if you toe the MAGA line.

Raccoon of Vengeance's avatar

The last Hooters has closed.

OneYieldRegular's avatar

One of the more unexpected travel experiences I had was in 2007 when I took the ferry in Shanghai across the river from the Bund to Pudong and got off the boat to find a Hooters in front of me blasting "My Humps" by The Black-Eyed Peas.

OneYieldRegular's avatar

I thought you were saying this metaphorically in reference to Hilton.

Antifa Commander's avatar

They've been sagging for a while.

TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

Oh, but gee, they had such delicious wings (so I’ve been told).

Saviour of Bread's avatar

It always had it’s knockers but I dunno, I never went.

Our_Man_In_Redneckistan's avatar

Pour out a cheap beer for the breastaurant, a slice of Ugly Americana.

The Golden Hamster's avatar

Having a smoko after tenderly dropping off my ballot..

tehbaddr's avatar

I bet it was good.

Smoke O'Possum's avatar

I approve this message!

R. Riddle's avatar

Posted by the Alt National Park Service account on social media a few minutes ago. There are several articles around the web on this, based on a WSJ report from a couple of days ago.

"The Trump administration’s latest distraction Watergate. More than 50 years after Nixon resigned, Trump’s DOJ is reviewing claims from a former Nixon aide that the prosecutors were the ones who did something wrong. No formal investigation has been opened yet, but they are considering it. The aide calls it a “deep state” takedown, a claim JD Vance has echoed. Apparently, going after the people who investigated Trump wasn’t enough. Now we’re reaching back to the 1970s. Anything to keep us looking backward instead of at what this administration is doing right now. "

The Golden Hamster's avatar

They continually spin the Distract-o-Rama shiny object generator to distract us from their constant plundering and destruction of our nation. And to shield us from opening the Epstein files.

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

That and the sports arena in Grand Tetons National Park.

JR's avatar

And Interstate 47 rename of US 287 from TX to MT that will also run thru or near Teton.

OneYieldRegular's avatar

[insert apparently long lost footage of young Black inmate at minimum security prison pointing and laughing at John Mitchell arriving to serve his time and repeating, "Ha! We got YOU now! We got YOU now!" ]

ManchuCandidate's avatar

I dare them to dig up the corpse of Fred Thompson for trial.

Law & Disorder: Graveyard Unit

Cincinnatus's avatar

Whattabout Teapot Dome and those folks with Harding Derangement Syndrome!?!!

ManchuCandidate's avatar

Hard on for Harding!

EyeQueue's avatar

We are NOT going to let these fuckers re-write history.

That is not an option.

SkeptiKC's avatar

DAMNED accurate, comrade.

R. Riddle's avatar

Vance has been talking up this whole thing, so it's yet another thing that demonstrates Vance will be just as bad as President after Toddler strokes out.

Anna-Elizabeth's avatar

I just saw this on Pinterest:

"ITEM: Marvel reportedly eyeing Sabrina Carpenter for MCU role."

Comment; "At last a height-accurate Wolverine!"

Antifa Commander's avatar

OT: "The doctrine that the strong dominate the weak is the doctrine of our enemies." Stephen Miller goes up against FDR, gets zeppelindrome swastika blown up.

I even appreciate Jake Tapper's "I don't even know, honestly, what you're talking about right now."

https://bsky.app/profile/lolgop.bsky.social/post/3mwxmjn64nk2q

TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

Gods, he’s a fucking cartoon Nazi.

SkeptiKC's avatar

The malign micronazi makes the malevolent, malicious machinations of this misadministration too damned entirely clear.

OneYieldRegular's avatar

Empty ideological nonsense from a tough guy who who'd lose a playground fight in a nanosecond.

ManchuCandidate's avatar

I dare Miller to go first. He wants Greenland, he should be the first to jump off the helo (or at least gets shoved out.)

Innocent_Bystander's avatar

I doubt Miller would make it to the front lines intact.

Antifa Commander's avatar

It is time the face-eating polar bears had their day.