Love Is Dead: Woman Divorces Ghost Husband With Exorcism

If these two crazy kids can't make it, what chance do the rest of us have?

Love is a many splendored thing … at least until the Victorian ghost you married starts cheating on you with Marilyn Monroe and haunting you with the sounds of screaming infants.

Alas, that is what happened to singer/songwriter/Instagram influencer Brocarde, 40, of Oxfordshire, England, who only married the (reportedly, according to her) “devilishly handsome” phantom last Halloween.

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Via Daily Mail:

Recalling the unearthly encounter, Brocarde said: 'I met Edwardo when he burst into my bedroom uninvited one dark stormy night.

'Unsettled and unable to sleep, I tossed and turned, preoccupied by an argument I'd had with her friend, it was an upsetting night and rain was lashing at the windows. 

'Out of nowhere I felt an intense burning in my heart, the sensation moved slowly throughout my whole body, making me tingle, and down and out through my toes.

'I was compelled upright in bed, forced into a sitting position, I reached back to turn on the bedside light but my hand was forced back away, I tried again this time I was able to pull the cord.

The singer says she felt 'warmth' on her neck: 'A warm breath on my neck whispered 'I love you' as the spirit departed and the room fell cold. I was left shaking and trembling in bed as tears streamed down my face.' […]

'After our initial meeting Edwardo slowly revealed more about himself to me.

'I saw his images as a Victorian solider, he was always in his uniform, even on our wedding day, his face is devilishly handsome, shoulder length unruly hair, he looks lived in, well worn, troubled almost, there's a pain attached to his being.

'His voice is commanding and forceful, yet he whispers to seduce.'

Things started to go south on their wedding day, when Edwardo first caught a glimpse of the ghost of Marilyn Monroe, who was apparently hanging out in a random British chapel that day, and became obsessed with her. Soon enough, he was floating back into Brocardo’s room smelling of Chanel No. 5.

“Our relationship had always been turbulent from the beginning,” Brocardo explained, “with the stark contrast of him being threatening and possessive and then warm and intense but I slowly began to tire of being married to a free spirit, he was inconsistent, barely present.”

Edwardo was reportedly very jealous of his wife’s Instagram following, probably knowing that as a ghost, it would be very difficult for him to have any social media presence of his own, especially one that required posing for pictures.

Brocardo ended up consulting a psychic medium for advice, discussing how to “assert [her] boundaries” with Edwardo, but he wasn’t too happy with that at all and ended up haunting his beloved with the sound of screeching babies, as lovelorn ghosts are wont to do.

Eventually it all got to be too much and Brocardo decided it was time for a divorce, or in her case, an exorcism. She says she’s felt “more light and joyful” since she banished him to hell or wherever, and even wrote a song about it.

Sadly, ghost divorce is not as uncommon as we may think. Back in 2018, a former Jack Sparrow impersonator divorced her own ghost husband — who, by sheer coincidence, just happened to be named Jack Teague, which was the fictional Jack Sparrow’s “real” last name and not the name of any real “Black Haitian pirate who was executed for treason,” as she claimed. Amanda Teague also had to end up getting an exorcism after her ghost husband tried to kill her.

These are just the risks one takes when marrying a ghost, I assume. If one goes by “Supernatural” rules, ghosts do become increasingly unhinged the longer they wait to cross over. Of course, that is a fictional show and this woman was married to a fictional pirate, so the actual rules may be a bit murkier. Especially since there is no such thing as ghosts.

Now go haunt the Open Thread.

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