Wonkagenda: Thursday, 08/04/2016

COFFEE CAT WANTS YOUR COFFEE, NOT YOUR EXCUSES!

Morning Wonkers! Here's some of the stories yr Wonkette may use to invade your Internetz space!

• • The Trump Taj Mahal will close after Labor Day because it's broke. PATHETIC.

  • Bamz gave lots of Iran's monies back to Iran as part of a deal, prompting the GOP to use the Chewbacca defense, and Trump to make up several crazy stories, right on cue.

  • Dead Breitbart is blaming social media (not the LIBERAL media) for "accidentally" using a picture of the Cleveland Cavaliers victory rally in place of a Jacksonville, Florida Trump rally.

  • STOP THE PRESSES GUIZ! Hillary founded ISIS. It's totally true! Just ask Donald Trump!

  • Missouri Republican gubernatorial candidate Eric Greitens released this bat-shit insane campaign video that has more explosions and assault weapons than a Michael Bay movie trailer.

  • The Missouri State Public Defender's office used a seldom-invoked law to give the sitting governor the single finger salute, and is making Governor Jay Nixon represent a criminal defendant because it can actually do that.

  • Some more Republicans you've never heard of are running away from Donald Trump. LOL, suckers.

  • The guy giving Trump all his advice on Israel is his lawyer, and he admits he sucks at the job.

  • When Paul Manafort said the Trump Train had NOTHING to do with changing the Republican party platform about Ukraine? Yeah, he was being a damn liar. Typical.

  • CNN indulged Libertarian fantasy bullshit and hosted a town hall in which the candidates carefully dodged answering questions because Libertarians are really people who believe in magicMALARKY. 

  • SCOTUS put a hold on a ruling from a lower court that would have allowed a transgender student to potty in the potty because they're jerks (except Justice Kagan, Justice Sotomayor, and the notorious Justice RBG, they're still cool).

  • CNN talking head Liz Mair has joined the talking heads that just can't help swearing at Donald Trump on air when she called Trump, "a loudmouthed dick." Come on, that's yr Wonkette's job!

  • A former JEB! advisor and nuclear missile-launch officer went on a Twitter rant yesterday about nukes.

• Corey Lewandowski is STILL advising Donald Trump . STILL!

• BONUS ROUND: Here's yr Wonkette's super special hetero-nerd-man-crush, Chuck Todd, with a high-larious recap of the Trump Train derailing yesterday. Remember to point, laugh, and VOTE.

• And here's a bit of Nice Time for the olds!