Wonkagenda: Thursday, October 6, 2016

Morning Wonkers! Here's some of the stories that we may tickle your cockles with today!

• Apparently Pam Bondi wasn't the only attorney general Donald Trump bought, and now there's evidence to finger all the attorneys general Trump paid off. [  Archive ] 

• Did you know Tim Kaine's Blue Star Service pin is ACTUALLY a secret Ho Chi Minh communist radio device, not an honorarium for his son, Nat Kaine, an enlisted active duty Marine currently on deployment? It's True!

• An NSA contractor ALLEGEDLY stole malicious code developed to spy on the networks of foreign governments. And, no, it's not Snowden.

• A suburban Baltimore school teacher is being accused of racism after calling students "little assholes" and dressing up in black face with a sombrero and calling herself an "African American Mexican." Just let that sink in for a moment.

• Sure, two-thirds of Trump's empire COULD be considered failures if you're a negative nincompoop, but you could also say that a third of all Trump's ideas weren't total failures too! It's all about the art of deception!

•  Latino people aren't going to let go of "#ThatMexicanThing," since it's just hanging out, flapping in the breeze.

• Poor Glenn Beck is about to be REALLY poor after his shitty website lost over half of its editorial staff due to layoffs and fuck offs. I can't wait to taste the tears!

• Donald Trump thinks the three million people living in Nevada are all dummies for pronouncing Nevada wrong because they're not saying it the same snotty, bourgeois and incorrect way as Donald Trump. Man doesn't even watch Veep!

•  Nevada's Yucca Mountain just got injected into the presidential debate, whether or not Donald Trump knows what the fuck Yucky Mountain is. Hint: It's a giant nuclear trash pile.

• Meddling shit weasel Darrel Issa is trailing in the most recent polls, and residents of U.S. territories (like D.C.) fucked over by Issa are burning effigies fashioned from dog crap in the hope that he gets tossed out on his ass.

•  Dianne Feinstein and Barbara Boxer are jumping behind Kamala Harris for the California Senate race after Loretta Sanchez began to get flirty with right-leaning businesses. I guess money can't buy love?

• Gary Johnson's Sedan of Sadness may need to just pull over and admit it's completely fucking lost after Johnson had an interview with the LIBERAL New York Times and refused to name (forgot?) the leader of North Korea. 

• The blood pouring out from Megyn Kelly's wherever has left her super jealous of all the reach arounds Sean Hannity gets from Donald Trump, and now Kelly and Hannity are openly squabbling. 

•  The Atlantic has endorsed Hillary Clinton because Donald Trump is an overweight cocaine addicted man-baby with ugly, little hands, a shitty mullet and bad ideas.

•  FLOTUS Michelle Obama is making DAMN sure nobody fucks with her garden so she's made her garden even more powerful than you can possibly imagine - with concrete, stone, and steel.

• And here's your morning Nice Time: Polar Bears! Look how much it loves the kiddie pool! You look at it!