Wonkagenda: Thursday, September 1, 2016

Morning Wonkers! Here's some of the stories yr Wonkette may be talking about today.

• After getting cucked in Mexico, Trump went to Phoenix last night and gave a "foreign policy" speech that was all, "Rawr! I hate Mexicans! Build a wall! Rawr!"

• Those two or three Latino people who support Trump are now not so sure they want to support the guy who wants to deport them.

• Did you know that immigrant children learning English is the greatest evil facing America right now? It's true! They're worse than ISIS!

• Tucker Carlson thinks that Trump's wall is a AWESOME idea, and totally legitimate because the White House has a wall around it. Game, set, match, LIEBERALS.

• Kentucky Congressman Ed Whitfield doesn't need Congress anymore now that he ALLEGEDLY helped his lobbyist wife get legislation passed.

• Some crazy lady in Indiana used a coat hanger to beat her kids but it's cool because Jesus said she should to save his immortal soul.

• Texas is injecting itself into North Carolina's potty problems because Texas does whatever the hell it wants, whenever it wants, to whomever the hell it wants, amigo!

• The Supreme Court told North Carolina that, for now, its racist voter ID laws can't be used in the November election because it's clearly racist. Then, Fox's Shep Smith had to go and man-splain for teevee whack-jobs and drunk uncles everywhere, and ruin all our fun!

• Julian Assange may not be working FOR Russia, but ...

• That goofy Growing Pains kid is teaming up with Ben Carson for some drum circle Jesus pow-wows about how to elect Donald Trump.

•  Georgetown University is SUPER sorry about those 272 slaves it used to own , so it's renaming a building and stuff. That's something?

• Dude! If you live in Arizona you'll totally get to, like, vote on recreational mary-juanas this November! Party on! 

• And here's some morning nice time! It's super awesome civil rights activist, and all around great guy, Representative John Lewis crowdsurfing on Colbert!