Wonkagenda, Wednesday, August 17, 2016

The Morning Joe crew introduce a new icon that'll flash whenever Halperin and Scarborough blow Donald Trump.

Morning, Wonkers! Hold on to your butts because it's Hump Day, and that means happy hour is just around the corner!

• Donald Trump hired Dead Breitbart's Stephen Bannon and Kellyanne Conway to run his campaign after demoting Paul Manafort. Trump's camp is calling it an, "expansion," not a shake up, or a spastic flailing, or a brow furrowing revelation that Trump is literally buying the heads of right-wing P.R. people.

• Paul Manafort also tried to hide several million dollars of lobbying he did for ex-Ukrainian President Viktor Yanukovych, and he would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling kids!

• Trump used to owe the state of New Jersey $30 million dollars, but then Chris Christie became governor and he ated all the the problems!NOM NOM NOM!

•  Paul Ryan is on the campaign trail raising money for House Republicans in states that ARE NOT Wisconsin for the rest of August because the GOP's actual presidential nominee doesn't give a shit about the down ballot.

• The Commission on Presidential Debates has released its requirements for third party candidates to reach the debate stage, and it doesn't look good for the Gary Johnson sedan of sadness.

• The Jill Stein soylent scooter is polling behind Deez Nuts in Texas according to a new PPP poll.

• Cue the Imperial March! Liz Cheney, the daughter of former Veep and Emperor Palpatine cosplay champion Dick Cheney, has won the Wyoming primary for Dad's old House seat.

• LOL, Meghan McCain doesn't want to vote. Oh, Meggles, how are you still relevant?

• Messican teevee and newz people are mad as hell that Trump won't talk to Latino journalists and reporters, so they've written a petition to make him do it.

•  Gawker has been bought by Univision for $135 million dollars. Muy bueno!

•  Four states want to legalize Mary-Jane herbal remedies for fun times this November, four that might say it's cool if a doctor says so, and four more states working to get medicinal initiatives on their ballots.

• Looks like Rupert Murdoch has found that it actually does take two people to fill the rather large role that Roger Ailes had at Fox; he's named Jack Abernethy and Bill Shine to oversee content and talent at Fox News. Reset your sexual harassment clocks...now.

• Gun fetishists are pissed that a Portland priest spent $3,000 to win an assault rifle in a raffle just so he could destroy it.

•  John McLaughlin has died. He was 89, and best known through Dana Carvey's spot-on parody. Sad news? WRONG! The saddest news!

Oh, and here's your multi-cultural morning Nice Time!