Wonkette Answers Lindsey Graham's Dumbass Questions, 'Cause Lindsey Graham Is A Dumbass
Glad to be of service, Senator!
Wonkette mentioned this morning that Senator Lindsey Graham (R-Tara) has some BURNING HOT QUESTIONS for the FBI about the arrest and raid on Roger Stone. In fact, the talking points seem to have gone out for the un-American "let's protect the Kremlin's asset in the White House" crowd, and they are to be SHOCKED and APPALLED that Roger Stone was treated like a common Osama bin Black American. Roger Stone is an innocent sunflower who ain't never done no harm to nobody, he's an upstanding fine white man, and also that Nixon tattoo on his back is obviously just an unfortunate birthmark!
The Republicans on the House Judiciary Committee are also very mad right now. Look at GOP Rep. Doug Collins on Twitter, for he is sorely triggered by the fear that if it can happen to a criminal like Roger Stone, WHICH WHITE MAN CRIMINAL IS NEXT?
Although none of the 7 charges against Stone is considered to be a violent crime, the FBI demonstrated an immense s… https: //t.co/5Iz1A7Kk44
— Rep. Doug Collins (@Rep. Doug Collins) 1548890310.0
Click that tweet to read Collins's letter to FBI Director Christopher Wray, if you like whining. The congressman notes that Roger Stone is a VERY OLD MAN (he's 66), that Stone has bitched and moaned that his arrest was just like what happened to Osama bin Laden, minus of course the death by getting shot in the face, and Stone should know the difference, because he's been assassinated by the Deep State so many times already. (Don't worry, he's always gotten better .) Even Chris Christie, that law 'n' order guy, said this was "overkill." So what gives, Robert Mueller and Christopher Wray? Why would you treat an obviously innocent white man this way?
Lindsey Graham also wrote a big boy letter to the FBI, and he shared his questions, which are basically the same as Doug Collins's questions, on Twitter. Since we already answered some of them on Twitter, we figured we'd be service-y and help Senator Kompromat and his fellow idiots with the rest of the answers. Feel free to use them as a cheat sheet, boys!
@LindseyGrahamSC These questions are easy and I’m not even in the FBI. The answer to this one is “because they were… https: //t.co/IwIWvAV3fB
— Evan Hurst (@Evan Hurst) 1548896383.0
On top of that, we'd add that part of what Stone is charged with is obstruction of justice and witness tampering, in a case involving his contacts with a man called Julian Assange, who is subject to arrest by American authorities, and who's spent lo these many years hiding out in the Ecuadorian embassy. Oh yeah, and that guy sure seems like an intelligence asset of a hostile foreign power called Russia. Can't imagine why they'd want to catch poor feeble old Roger Stone by surprise!
The next questions don't deserve long responses, so we'll take them together:
No, Lindsey, they just made it up on the fucking fly and announced it to the press, in order that they might WITCH HUNT Roger Stone as hard as they possibly can. That's totally how the FBI does stuff. Does Graham expect people to treat him like a legitimate chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, if he's going to repeatedly own-goal himself like this?
One last question from Graham, who is acting so ridiculous that we're almost 100 percent convinced he's compromised by Trump/Russia in some way, no that's not a gay sex joke, because Jesus Christ, he cannot possibly be this stupid. But for some reason, he's willing to pretend to be this stupid, because he is the new Devin Nunes.
@LindseyGrahamSC Bro do you even know what it is that journalists do for a living? EVERYONE knew this was coming. E… https: //t.co/JnOKtwOsE4
— Evan Hurst (@Evan Hurst) 1548896528.0
Well, that was a fun exercise! Listen, elected Republicans, any time you have hard questions about anything , you are welcome to submit them to Wonkette, and we will try to answer them ASAP. Remember: There are no stupid questions, just kidding, all your questions are stupid questions.
As a sidenote, we should note that now that the Democrats have the gavel again, they are really getting their legs with this whole social media thing, taking every opportunity they're handed on a silver platter to just dunk on the GOP idiots they're forced to share breathing space with. It's not just AOC, y'all.
Here's Eric Swalwell and Ted Lieu having too much fun with the paste-eating dumbfuck letter sent by their Judiciary colleague Doug Collins:
Speaking of emails, I’d love to hear how the GOP wants the FBI to treat a suspected felon who was in contact with a… https: //t.co/izhlYP5dq7
— Rep. Eric Swalwell (@Rep. Eric Swalwell) 1548904165.0
They are so much better at this than Donald Trump and the paint-huffing GOP members of Congress.
Follow every Democratic member of the 116th Congress on Twitter immediately. GO. DO IT NOW.
Also Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!
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