Wonkette Movie Night: Hail, Caesar!

'Would that it were so simple.'

The golden age of Hollywood. A time when movie making was controlled by the five big studios. And they controlled everything from the actors to the kid on a bike running errands. The studios hired men to make sure everything was perfect for the movies’ audiences and how they perceived their big stars. Even if the big stars were not perfect. These men, these fixers, helped sell an image of glamour. They didn’t make the movies themselves but they made sure the movies got made.

In Hail, Caesar! the fixer is Eddie Mannix, a tough guy who finds himself in confession a bit too often. It is 1951 and Eddie works for Capitol Pictures. He has a lot of a guilt which he unloads during confession, mostly describing his guilt to the priest that he lied to his wife about quitting smoking. It couldn’t possibly have to do with all the other lies he spouts daily to just about everyone he interacts with. Even the priest tells him that he is coming to confession too often. Doubt there’s frequent sinner miles to be earned: Maybe Eddie needs a job change — and Lockeed has offered up a sweet employment deal.

While Eddie swirls that decision around in his head he has three huge issues to work his magic on at Capitol. One of the studio’s biggest stars is DeeAnna Moran, an Esther Williams type character who is pregnant and unmarried, which is not acceptable in 1951.

His second problem is a young and handsome cowboy star of Westerns suddenly stuffed into a tuxedo and expected to speak in an entirely different role.

Eddie’s third problem is his biggest. His brightest star, the actor at the center of the studio’s monster production Hail, Caesar! A Tale of the Christ, has gone missing. It is assumed he may be off on another bender — if so, Baird Whitlock would reappear in a day as was his habit. But a ransom note dismisses that idea.

Meanwhile Baird has awakened on a lawn chair in a strange house. He is confused but not surprised to awaken in an unknown place.

I’m thinkin’, “What the hell?” I’ve woken up in some strange houses before, but never without a broad next to me.

Over two days time Eddie needs to solve these problems and decide if he really wants to keep doing this kind of work. A new, comfortable, well paid gig at a major corporation or keep juggling the balls that are the lives of those who make movies.

Hail, Caesar! has a huge cast of famous actors that most Cohen brothers films are known for, most in small quirky roles. Tilda Swinton plays twin sisters, Hollywood reporters trying to out-scoop each other. Frances McDormand is a chain smoking editor who should not wear long scarves, and Wayne Knight as a very Newman like character.

Channing Tatum ties it all together while also being a great dancer. The communists argue over life and just about everything else.

Hail, Caesar! stars George Clooney, Josh Brolin, Alden Ehrenreich, Scarlett Johansson, Channing Tatum, Tilda Swinton, Frances McDormand, Jonah Hill, Ralph Fiennes, and Heather Goldenhersh. Directed by Ethan and Joel Coen.

Hail, Caesar! is available with subscription on Prime; free with ads on Xumo Play; $3.99 in the usual places.

To make requests and see the movie lists and schedules go to WonkMovie.

The animated short is Stowaway.

“An award-winning short animated film created by quarantined students during a world-wide pandemic.

This was created by the talented BYU Animation Class of 2021, and supported by Brigham Young University’s colleges of Fine Arts and of Mathematical and Physical Sciences.”

Next week we kick off May with Pitch Black.

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