Wonkette Movie Night: Labyrinth
'Everything that you wanted I have done. You asked that the child be taken. I took him... I have done it all for you!'
In keeping with my practice of picking movies that are reflective of the current state of affairs, I present Labyrinth.
A mad king has kidnapped a child and holds him hostage with ridiculous demands placed on his family to rescue the toddler, Toby. Jareth the Goblin King requires Toby’s sister Sarah to navigate a dangerous maze of traps, deceit, and pitfalls within a very short time frame or Toby will never be free. There’s also a goblin army to be defeated.
So not exactly like current times as Jareth the Goblin King treats the child with care, as compared to our own Mad King who would not. Also Jareth has better hair and can dance.
Sarah is a 16-year-old girl who loves fairy tales and has a room filled with stuffed animals, games, and books. She is very annoyed when her parents interrupt her fantasy life and make her babysit her little brother. She gets really mad when Toby won’t stop crying, so much so that she wishes for the goblins to come and take him away. And they do. Be careful what you wish for!
That is when she meets Jareth, who offers to make all her dreams come true if she would just forget about her brother. She considers it but still demands that Toby be returned. Jareth offers her a challenge. If she can make it to his castle in the center of his labyrinth by the time the clock strikes 13 (he helpfully provides a special clock) Toby will be returned.
With the courage of a fearless teenager Sarah takes on her quest and meets a dwarf named Hoggle who is helpful and also not to be trusted because he is a servant to Jareth. But his fondness for trinkets has him helping her and he battles his fears that Jareth will imprison him in the Bog of Eternal Stench (aka Trump’s bathroom) unless Hoggle gives Sarah a poisoned peach to eat. The Goblin King does not believe in a fair fight.
Sarah helps a huge troll named Ludo escape entrapment; utilizing his telekinetic skill over rocks he becomes her friend and helper. They soon meet Sir Didymus, a fox terrier with the attitude of a brave knight and he joins the ragtag trio on his trusted steed, Ambrosius, an Old English Sheepdog.
Wait a minute, a teenage girl joined by three odd characters and a dog on a journey to a castle along a perilous path. Sounds familiar. At least the brick path wasn’t yellow in Jareth’s maze.
As the group of friends enter Goblin City where the castle is located, Jareth sends his goblin army to stop them. They manage to make it to the castle in time, with Sarah telling the group to wait behind as she ascends the tower, she knows the final battle with Jareth is hers alone to fight.
It is a battle of wits and not strength, as easy as the magic was invoked for the Goblin King to steal Toby it may work as well to return him.
Sarah just needed the right words and the courage to speak them.
Labyrinth is available with subscription on Hulu, Disney+, Netflix, and Peacock (with ads.) Free with ads on YouTube, Tubi, Plex, Pluto TV and The Roku Channel. $3.99 in the usual places.
Labyrinth stars David Bowie, Jennifer Connelly, Jim Henson, Brian Henson, David Goelz, Frank Oz, Shari Weiser, Warwick Davis, and Karen Prell. Directed by Jim Henson with a screenplay written by Terry Jones.
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The animated short is Les Bottes de la Nuit (The Night Boots) directed by Pierre-Luc Granjon.
Next week’s Movie Night selection kicks off February with the Oscar nominated Sinners.
It’s available with subscription on HBO Max, Hulu, and Prime (with ads.) $5.99 in the usual places. It is a vampire movie but there is so much more, instead of the official trailer (which focuses on the battle with the vampires) I chose this clip of a dream like sequence with the song I Lied To You.
February’s schedule:
𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐔𝐒 𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐀:
The various things that Jareth does with the crystal balls (rolling them around his arms and in his hands and so forth) are not camera tricks or any other kind of special effect. They are actually done by choreographer Michael Moschen, who is an accomplished juggler. Moschen was actually crouched behind David Bowie with his arm(s) replacing Bowie's. Unlike a typical Muppet performance, however, he had no video screen to view his performance. In other words, his manipulations were performed completely blind.
From yesterday:
"Tonight, voters flipped a seat in the Texas Senate from Republican to Democratic in a special election. Democrat Taylor Rehmet, an Air Force veteran and machinist, defeated right-wing Republican Leigh Wambsganss for a seat that Republicans have held since the early 1990s. Robert Downen of Texas Monthly noted that in the final days of the campaign, the Wambsganss campaign spent $310,000 while Rehmet spent nothing, and Daniel Nichanian of BoltsMag posted that overall, Wambsganss spent nearly $2.2 million more than Rehmet in the campaign. Both Texas governor Greg Abbott and Trump himself publicly supported Wambsganss.
And yet, as G. Elliott Morris of Strength in Numbers noted, voters flipped a district that Trump won in 2024 by 17 points to Rehmet, electing him by a 14.4-point margin. After removing the minor-party candidates in the vote, the swing from the Republican in 2024 was 32 points toward the Democrats. In Texas."
https://open.substack.com/pub/heathercoxrichardson/p/january-31-2026?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web