Wonkette Movie Night: Lifeforce

‘I mean, in a sense we're all vampires. We drain energy from other life forms.’

Naked space vampires!

I know that there are more than a few Wonkers that hear that description and well,

It is also, you should be warned a very 1980s movie (IYKYK). Based on The Space Vampires, a 1976 sci-fi novel by Colin Wilson (available in the Wonkette Bookshop), Lifeforce begins on the Space Shuttle Churchill, crewed by an American and British team. They’ve been sent to take a good look at Halley's Comet.

They discover an alien ship in the comet and think we should go check that out, they obviously hadn’t watched enough sci-fi movies to realize that is probably a bad idea. What they find are creepy, dried out bat creatures and three naked people in glass tubes, one woman and two men. The guys on the crew seem thrilled by the boobies and full nudity; although the tube men are also nude I don’t remember seeing any dicks.🤷‍♀️ Because these astronauts are smart they decide to bring the test tube babe and dudes back to the Churchill.

Quick cut to just outside of earth’s orbit where the Churchill is drifting, unresponsive and burned out. (Donald is that you?) NASA sends the Space Shuttle Columbia (no, really) to check it out. They find the Churchill burned out and everyone dead except for the test tube trio, who, of course the crew of the Columbia bring back to Earth. Which could lead to disaster.

After scientists have had a lookover of space babe, they leave a guard to watch over her. She draws him in with an unknown and unseen power, to suck the life out of him when he goes to check out her boobies. He is left desiccated and a shell of his former self. I did warn you that this was an ‘80s movie. The guard awakens and sucks the life from a scientist, which rehydrates the guard. A vampire that passes on its curse in order to remain alive.

The space vampiress escapes the lab and starts on a life sucking spree, meanwhile the vamp-bros have reassembled after being blown up and they are ready for some fun in London. The life sucking multiplies as people feed off each other as the alien vampires’ force spreads.

But there may be a way to stop the destruction, to stop the alien vampires from sucking all the lifeforce from Earth. Using an old skool weapon the humans fight back.

Could this be the origin of the vampire legends, have these new visitors been here before?

Lifeforce stars Mathilda May, Patrick Stewart, Steve Railsback, Peter Firth, Frank Finlay, and Nicholas Ball. Directed by Tobe Hooper.

Lifeforce is available with subscription on MGM+; free with ads on Tubi and The Roku Channel; $3.99 in the usual places.

To make requests and see the movie lists and schedules, go to WonkMovie.

The animated short is Father and Daughter by M. Dudok de Wit.

Our next Movie Night selection kicks off Wonktober Frightfest with Night Of The Comet, available with subscription on MGM+; for free with ads on YouTube, Tubi, and Pluto TV.

This is the schedule for Wonktober Frightfest:

• Oct. 3 Night Of The Comet

• Oct. 10 Love And Monsters

• Oct. 17 Happy Death Day

• Oct. 24 Anna And the Apocalypse

• Oct. 31 The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

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