Wonkette's Top 10 Is Doing Its Traditional Champagne And Strawberries And Bagels And Lox

Dave's not here man.

Hi whatcha doin' that's nice we're not here. We've got a grown child and a small child and a grandchild and a stepchild and Dok and Dok's child, and we are VERY BUSY drinking champagne and eating strawberries and bagels and lox because that is the tradition we started the very first year ever we were a single mom ('96 ima say?) and it is the world's best tradition. BOOM, the bagels go on a tray BOOM the strawberries go in a bowl BOOM even if you wanna make it fancy it's going to take five minutes tops, and that is how you Christmas morning.

Carol sent a cat.

THAT'S A PRETTY FUCKIN CAT CAROL. It looks like our cat, Muse, who is fuckin chill, like so:

Muse was a cat at the shelter. She likes it here. Whatever the girls want to do to her, it's all cool.  

Now you have had some cats. Say, what are this week's top 10 Wonkette stories? I don't know, ask Liz, she wrote them.

10. Were Trump's Own Generals Afraid He'd Use Their Troops To Attack Congress? Liz wrote it.

9. Fox News Hell Week Ends With Judicial D*ck Kicking . Liz wrote it.

8. Wonkette Weekend Live Chat Will Learn The True Meaning Of Christmas By The End Of This Broadcast . SER and Robyn ... performed it?

7. James O'Keefe A Very Ethical Boy Who Didn't Even Publish That Stolen Diary He Paid For! Liz wrote it.

6. Mitch McConnell Is ... Right About A Thing??? Liz wrote it.

5. Joe Manchin's Clean Energy Coal Company Climate Change Grid Sandwich Of LIES . HI DOK! HIIIII!

4. A Robert E. Lee Statue Time Capsule You Say? Well Well Well. Hi Dok! Hiiiiii!

3. Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The New York Fairytale! Everybody tip Hooper, your bartender.

2. Steve Bannon Isn't Nearly As Smart As He Thinks He Is. And Neither Are His Lawyers. Liz is back. Back again. Liz is back. Tell a friend.

1. Of Course The Magic Anti-5G Pendants Conspiracists Are Wearing Are Radioactive . Well duh obvs Robyn everyone knows that.

GOODBYE AND HAPPY CHRISTMAS, THAT'S IT, WE'RE DONE!

 Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .