Wonkette's Top Ten Stories Of The Week All Think You Look Super Pretty This Morning

Did you just wake up like that?

Happy Saturday!

How are things? You good? I'm good! We've got a bunch of great stories for you from the week that was, and you can now read them at your leisure. Or you can listen to the new Lizzo/Cardi B jam and try to anticipate Ben Shapiro's thoughts on that.

Lizzo - Rumors feat. Cardi B [Official Video]    www.youtube.com 

Or you can do both! Or you can ignore all of this and talk amongst yourselves in the comments until I get an actual post ready this morning. The options, truly, are endless.

10. Welcome to Wonkette Happy Hour, with This Week's Cocktail, The Moscow Mule! — Moscow Mule's are a jam. I have been making them lately with the Deep Eddy Peach Vodka and it's been a jam .

9. Mike Lindell's Cyber Guy Gives Up Polishing 'Turd' Into 'Diamond' As Lindell Says Everyone Is CIA — Liz

8. Andrew Cuomo Finally Got The Fuck Out — And thank fucking goodness because I really don't want to hear "Well it's because I'm Italian" as an excuse for anything but accidentally setting off the "workout detected" alert on one's smartwatch mid-conversation (which may have been a real thing that happened ... to me) ever again. From SER!

7. Florida Will Pay For Victims Of 'COVID-19 Harassment' To Attend Less Hygienic Schools — The irony, which I did not point out here, is that school vouchers don't actually pay for all of the tuition at private schools, so only the reasonably well-off assholes will end up getting to send their kids to them. Clearly, Ron DeSantis has not read a lot of Jonathan Kozol.

6. Little Red Corvette — Some writin' and some party invites from our Editrix Rebecca

5. You Deadbeats Expect Erick Erickson To Keep Insulting Trans People For Free? Give Him Money! 

4. Kevin McCarthy Selling 'Moron' T-Shirts So Republicans ... Don't Lose Each Other In Crowds? — A spectacular self-own indeed, from Evan

3. British Anti-Vaxxers Try Storming BBC, Attack Wrong Building Entirely — That really feels like a metaphor, but it is a real thing that happened. From Dok!

2. Jacobin Writer Demands Barack Obama Cut Out All That Black President Magic — In which SER delivers the very disturbing news that " Carrot Top has a higher net worth than the first Black president." How? Why? I'm never going to stop thinking about this. It will haunt me.

1. Marjorie Taylor Greene Very Mad At Free Market Capitalism — Or As She Calls It, 'Corporate Communism' — From me. Here is a lesson for everyone —conservatives don't actually have any idea what socialism or communism is . It's really a choose-your-own-adventure thing for them. When they like a thing that is obviously socialism, it magically becomes not -socialism, even if you tell them, straight to their faces "this is literally socialism — the thing you like is socialism ." When they hate free market capitalism, it is suddenly communism. There's no logic to any of this and there never will be.

And that is that! Well, except for the fact where I ask you for money so that Rebecca can pay all of us to continue writing beautiful, top-ten worthy posts for all of you! You can join our Patreon, or buy our merch, or do your Amazon shopping through our link, or even send a check in the mail to

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