Wonkette Top Ten Stories Of The Week Are Festive AF

Well, sort of. Maybe not. Read them anyway.

Happy Christmas Eve!

I got you a very special Christmas present this year. What is it, you ask? I got you Christmas shoes. Not actual shoes, mind you, just the terrible, terrible song "The Christmas Shoes" as gloriously explained by Patton Oswalt.

Patton Oswalt - Christmas Shoes    www.youtube.com 

If you've been lucky enough to never actually hear the song ... here I come to correct that grievous error.

NewSong - The Christmas Shoes    www.youtube.com 

Oh hey, looks like I've got something else for you as well! It is the entire original Hallmark movie based on the song, starring the lady from Father of the Bride and Rob Lowe, who blocked me on Twitter after I responded to his "Blazing Saddles is a great movie that could not be made today because of political correctness!" schtick by pointing out that Hedy Lamarr jokes and Marlene Dietrich impersonations might also fall flat today because the world changes and so does comedy. Duh .

The Christmas Shoes - Hallmark Christmas Movies 2016    www.youtube.com 

One of the more awkward thing I discovered while looking through these videos is that there are a lot of

And here are your top ten stories of the week!

10. Wonkette Movie Night: 'How The Grinch Stole Christmas' And 'Bad Santa' 

9. Alex Jones Is No Peasant, Cannot Possibly Live On $10K Per Week, He Tells Bankruptcy Court 

8. Alex Jones Bankruptcy Continues To Be Sh*tshow Dumpster Fire 

7. Iowa 'Psychic' Barred From Magically Healing People After Client's Death 

6. LIVEBLOG: January 6 Select Committee Is Here To Chew Bubblegum And Kick Ass. And They Are All Out Of Gum. 

5. US Postal Service To Go Electric, Like Dylan At Newport 

4. Someone Who Loves Mike Pence Should Tell Him He's Never Gonna Be President 

3. Ukraine President Zelenskyy In Ur Congress, Pissing Off Ur Putinites 

2. Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, Hot Buttered Rum! 

1. Wonkette: Because We're AGAINST Inciting Bomb Threats At Hospitals For Kids! 

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