Wonkette's Top Ten Is A CONSPIRACY!

Gotta catch em all!

Evan's out AGAIN this weekend, so blah blah blah "Beyonce." And now it is time for the top 10 stories of the week!

10. OH HEY MORE Steele Dossier Says PAUL MANAFORT Used Trump Org Server To Sext The Russians? SOME COLLUSION! This is actually a HUGE story, but MORE people didn't read it because we all have Mueller fatigue and haven't you heard TOTAL EXONERATION? (MORE people should read it! Because we felt like a LUNATIC going 'BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SERVER???' Well. HERE IS ABOUT THE SERVER.)

9. Trump And Orbán Sittin' In A Tree, Pissing On Democracy! You know how they do.

8. Has Your Granny Been Censored By Facebook? President Trump Is Standing By! Poor Granny, why she such a nazi all the time?

7. NRA's Dana Loesch Got Paid A Million Dollars To Make Videos Watched By A Thousand People Each . Oh hey! It me!

6. Go-Fund-Me-WALL Guy Brian Kolfage MAYBE Robbed You Bigots Blind . Knock you over with a feather!

5. 'Prophetess' Running For Mayor Of Toledo Is Now Also A Wrestling Champion . I didn't read this because weekend. I assume it is like it says in the title.

4. Miss Warren And Miss Harris, If You're Nasty! They were letting their bitch flag fly, and it was TERRIFIC. KAMABETH WARRIS 2020!

3. Why Can't These 'Pro-Life' States Stop Killing Infants All the Time? Suffer the little children. No, suffer them. They have no health care, no welfare, no food. Here are the charts.

2. NRA Accidentally Sends Wayne LaPierre's Credit Card Bills To Ad Company. BY ACCIDENT! (Depends on the definition of "accident."

1. BREAKING: Federal Judge CANNOT EVEN With Trump Lawyers' Trifling Horsesh*t . Seriously, it was some trifling horseshit, and he could not even.

And those are your week's top stories, now you get more pitchers.

BOOM, I'M OUT. Over to you Robyn!