Wonkette's Weekly Top Ten Is Stirred, Not Shaken

You don't shake martinis, DUMMY.

A week, we've had a few. (Weeks. In the last week. Because of Trump Time Compression Syndrome.) But then again, too few to mention. Without further ado, because Evan had three days off and I forgot to write Top Ten yesterday and now it is asscrack of Saturday and I have to do my Saturday bills and paperwork and Jon Tester canvassing, here is your weekly Top Ten as chosen by SCIENCE.

1. James Bond Sexed A Lady And Got Her Pregnant And Now He's Carrying His Baby Around. WHAT A GAY! Self-explanatory.

2. Right Wing Nutjobs Very Scared Of All The Witchcraft We Are Going To Do To Them . Oooh, more Sinatra.

3. Are These The 5 Dumbest Reactions To Elizabeth Warren's DNA Test? Sure Why Not. Actually, they were not even close to the dumbest reactions, but we hit it early and then got depressed and stopped hitting it.

4. Mueller Investigation Almost Over, According To People Who Wish That Were True . Boy, sure gonna be a fun week after the election, HENGHHHH? I shall be in Mexico, doing Not Work, and the kids are going to have to cover it all without me, SUCKERS. (They're like "yeah whatever wanking motion get out.")

5. John Bolton, John Kelly In White House Screaming Match, And We ALL WIN! Just kidding, nobody wins.

6. US Sen. Martin Heinrich In HOTT 'New Mexico Three-Way!' NOW we all win!

7. Donald Trump Is Stupid And Dumb And Insane And Dumb And A Total F*cking Baby Who Is Also Very Dumb . We're not sure you were aware?

8. Dark Time For The Rebellion: Marvel Fires Chuck Wendig For Having Opinions . I didn't read this, because it was on a weekend, but Stephen wrote about ... I think it is comic books, judging by the headline?

9. Hey, Good News, Black Man Not Killed This Time For Being In His Own Damn Apartment! Well, better news anyway.

10. We Feel Like We've Said This Before, But Donald Trump Is The Stupidest Person Who Ever Lived . You should really be aware by now, because we just said it three stories ago.

And there you have it. Your top 10 stories for the week as chosen by SCIENCE. Don't forget to keep us going FOREVER with money and love. (Hit the amount, make it monthly if you can, and THEN hit either Paypal or Stripe to complete our dirty dirty transaction.) Hate the paypals? You can send a paper check to Wonkette, PO Box 361, Polson MT 59860. And if you include your email address somewhere it might not even take me two years to send you a thank you note.

I said MIGHT.