835 Comments
User's avatar
Pere Ubu's avatar

Daaaaaaahhhhhhh HELLO I AM FISH HELLO

Goldfish's avatar

Did someone call for a fish?

Antifa Commander's avatar

GROUPER BOOPER!

Sure, “triggerfish,” whatever.

A Tad Impatient To 86 47's avatar

Um … that’s a … um … Gemini capsule in low earth orbit? I need more coffee? No *you* need more coffee.

Good morning. We’re one day closer to the end of this shit. I hope we don’t all have to take Gemini capsules and GTFO.

Michael's avatar

It looks very sus-fishus!

Stanta Knows's avatar

MaraLagoFace Fish

CambridgeKnitter's avatar

At this point, it needs more lip filler. These people do not understand the concept of "enough".

Lund-O-Matic's avatar

The opposite of poverty is not wealth but ‘enough’.

CambridgeKnitter's avatar

Well, yes, but I was talking about the increasingly grotesque cosmetic(?) surgery that creates Mar-a-Lago face. I admit low wealth people probably aren't afflicted with that, although I suppose we can hope that the the women indulging in it will become low wealth in the near future.

Whale Chowder's avatar

Triggerfish libelz!

weejee's avatar

A very finny post Martini.

TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

I am deeply triggered.

Runfastandwin's avatar

The Toothy Titan Triggerfish

uses his big white teeth

to munch on his dinner

In the briny deep

Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

Oh look! A Dave's Not Here Man fish!

satch's avatar
Jan 2Edited

A Kimberly Guilfoyle fish.

verne's avatar

aw, pity the poor fish.

Trespassers Will's avatar

Why do you hate that fish?

Dave's Not Here's avatar

Aww, so cute! Let's call him nibbles!

Noma Larkey's avatar

Good morning Martini. Interesting trivia - although the Titan Triggerfish is not found in the waters around Hawaii, the state fish of Hawaii is a different species of Trigger fish - Say hello to the Humuhumunukunukuapua’a. Interesting bit about how it got it's name.

https://bossfrog.com/humuhumunukunukuapuaa-hawaiis-state-fish/maui-activities/

Pere Ubu's avatar

Humu humu nuku nuku apu a'a. Easy.

There's a Bugs Bunny cartoon where he says the name. I think it's the one with the two shipwreck guys and "we're going on a boat! We're going on a boat!" which I desperately wanted to post a couple years back when I went on the Obligatory Family Alaskan Trip/Cruise but waited until we were boarding and couldn't find a gif because we were in line and I had my hands full and I was annoyed.

Richard S's avatar

You have to say its name in your best Jackie Gleason voice.

eddi-SABH's avatar

Hamina hamina aimina!

Runfastandwin's avatar

I have no idea how to rhyme that one! but, I will work on it...

Noma Larkey's avatar

When I read it, my brain goes right to Culture Club's "Karma Chameleon".

AIB's avatar

Don Ho wrote a song about that fish.

Martini Glambassador's avatar

Triggerfish are such an interesting species!

kmblue187's avatar

Demented fishie has a great dentist.

TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

OK the other thing that came to mind were those “redneck teeth”; especially the pacifier ones.

Opalescent Riddles's avatar

Is it just me, or is that fish actually screaming "THE BEST. IS YET. TO COME!"?

tim gueguen's avatar

More like, "Please, human, get me an orthodontist."

Al Bellenchia's avatar

Fish heads, fish heads. And teeths!

The Wanderer's avatar

Roly-poly fish heads!

Nancy Naive's avatar

Piranha?! Piranha?! I gotchur piranha right here, Mate.

Nancy Naive's avatar

“What’s up, Doc?”

Menotsure's avatar

This fish may be a badass

The meanest on the reef

But I can't help but giggle

At those stupid looking teef.

eddi-SABH's avatar

On the National Guard pullout. In Oregon, the Governor still hasn't got the official word. Beware of monkey business by Great Orange Baboon.

Scrofula's avatar

You are a goddamned hero, Rebecca.

Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

Up all night with an adolescent NYE slumber party?

Followed by a New Year's Day brunch?

A tradwife wouldn't complain. A tradwife would have turned it into a series of influencer 'casts that would bring in enough money to pay the nanny who actually stayed up all night with the kids and prepared the fabulous New Year's Day brunch that will be the talk of her comment section for days to come.

Enter Ranting's avatar

Zohran's speech was a banger, but he didn't promise to air out my stinkables.

https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/3d69fabb-171e-42c2-96ea-80623b67182a

cmd Human Scum's avatar

I read today that Katie and Golem Miller announced she is pregnant with Kid # 4.

Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

I wonder who the father is?

Stuart's avatar

From Raw Story: "'Prison, prison, prison!' Mike Lindell bases campaign for governor on jailing Democrats."

https://www.rawstory.com/mike-lindell-jail-democrats/

What makes this funny, if you read the post, is that Mike seems to think that repeating his threats in triplicate make them more compelling. "Prison, prison, prison" he says. "Deport, deport, deport!" Prosecute, prosecute, prosecute."

Even Trump has a bigger vocabulary.

Enter Ranting's avatar

Campaign for governor?!

Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

God appeared before him and told Mike he'd make a better governor than Tim Walz, and Mike has God's full support.

eddi-SABH's avatar

God is such a prankster. He's gonna watch Lindell fall into the cesspit and bust a gut.

Happy Camper's avatar

Thank you for your service, Rebecca!

beb's avatar

Jack Smith has the patience of Job, or a Hillary Clinton. Nine hours of testimony and not once did he have the urge to leap over the table and strangle the cretins trying to discredit him.

Whale Chowder's avatar

Better to say he never acted on an urge to harm those cretins...

Merrie Mac, Libelsländerin's avatar

Trump is filth. He knows he is filth. The only way for Filth to reign is for Filth to drag everything else into the filth with him.

We are only differentiated now by those who wallow willingly and those dragged kicking and screaming. Only a lucky few get to stay in the splash zone.

Zyxomma's avatar

Ta, Rebecca. Yes, you're a Hera and a hero. Ta, Martini. Good day, all, I'll post my daily greeting on the next thread.

John Thorstensen's avatar

This is Old News to most Wonketeers, but it's quite interesting to see it spelled out so clearly and authoritatively. An actual expert explains exactly why he is sure Trump is circling the drain cognitively. Also, some interesting history about the "Goldwater rule" and why he thinks it doesn't apply in this case.

https://btlonline.org/trumps-deteriorating-cognitive-decline-more-obvious-every-day/

Littorally Speaking's avatar

A must read ...

“𝘚𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬, 𝘐 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯, 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘵 𝘴𝘤𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦. 𝘞𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘨𝘯𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘴𝘺𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺, 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘢 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘨𝘢𝘴𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘺 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘶𝘯𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦, 𝘶𝘯𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘴𝘺𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦.”

John Thorstensen's avatar

Thanks so much for that Aretha Frankln clip!

When Cynthia Erivo, the co-star of the "Wicked" movies, is a worthy successor, and that's saying a lot.

Hirightnow's avatar

PRO TIP: When working on New Years Day, do not get into such a hurry to finish the rear corner of the fence you're installing that, while re-positioning yourself to get to those last pickets on the side (the ones 6" from the neighbor's chicken-coop-in-progress) that you accidentally put a 2.5" ring-shank nail into your knee, due in part to your own impatience, and in part to the pile of branches you're sitting on shifting unexpectedly. You might get lucky and miss the knee cap entirely, but pulling the nail out will NOT be fun. Let go of that trigger, even though you don't think you need to.

(It hurts, but it seems to be healing up; had to twist the nail to get it free of the bone, but it did little tissue damage when I yanked it out. Drove myself home and even stopped to see my 89 year old Aunt at family's NY Day gathering; she's doing well. Now it's just a matter of getting coffee to my desk without spilling it, by relying on Laura to take pity on me and carry it for me.)

(Yes, I have recently had a tetanus shot).

How was everyone else's day?

Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

Does it bother you that Homer Simpson experienced the exact same injury once?

𝕺𝖓𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉's avatar

I’ve learned to be cautious when I’m right at the end of a job and it’s late and I’m tired.

It takes more discipline sometimes to stop than it does to push yourself through.

That was a hell of a thing, and I’m glad for you that it wasn’t worse.

Hirightnow's avatar

Your words contain truth for all to see.

It was all over but the cover pickets ("shadowbox" style: first set of pickets gapped 3 1/2" apart, second set over the gaps), and this was just going to be a "couple of hours, then we're gone"...

Thanks, and I'm glad, too.

𝕺𝖓𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉's avatar

Last year we had some really bad ice storms mixed with a heavy snowfall. I had to organize the garage enough to park inside before the storm hit, since the space had been turned upside down to install three windows. The handyman put the job off till the end of the season, and then it was scramble scramble.

I also had a bunch of firewood, previously stacked on the outside wall, moved for the window install, and that had to be restacked. And honestly, it took me until the second day to figure out that it didn’t matter if it’s October, it was still bitter cold, and the thermostat in the garage had died, so it was cold in there, and I was still dressing like it was autumn.

I got the vehicles inside just as the first flake started to swirl down, and then I spent the next day shoveling snow of the weight and consistency of wet concrete. And all I understood was you just keep pushing until the job is done, and I did, and by the time I was finished, I was so sore. I took a hot bath, and it didn’t even touch it. I was so sore for days.

That was my epiphany. I learned to pay attention, and to stop when I was getting cold or sore or tired. Go inside, warm up, relax, wait for the shivering to hit, and then to pass. And then bundle up and do it again. If I pace myself like that, I can get the job done.

It’s when we’re right at the end of our energy and the attention is not quite as sharp and focused, and we’re so close to the end of the job. That’s a set up for something going wrong.

Pere Ubu's avatar

Stupid (no offense) determined stubbornness is a valid approach, except when its not. Age is a big factor as well. My - *AHEM*, er, one's stubbornness from one's youth does not always translate well to one's maturity.

CC's avatar

No, no it doesn't. I'm trying to become less stubborn, but Jesus H. Christ is it hard!!

𝕺𝖓𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉's avatar

I’m completely down with stupid. And you’re right, as a very young adult, I develop the strategy of gritting my teeth and pressing onward, and it worked.

I retired in July and I am finding it is work in progress, with a lot of things to be figured out. I made a trip into town on Monday to run errands, and it was about 45 below. I decided that day that I’m not gonna do that anymore. Unless it’s an emergency, I’m staying home until it warms up.

ETA nobody tells you this stuff.

swmnguy's avatar

Whenever I've done something like that; last time, I fastened my thumb to a 2x4 with a 2.5" wide-crown framing staple; I had to remember that Whatever Doesn't Kill Me Hurts Like Hell.

swmnguy's avatar

Straddled the bone. It was not easy to stretch to get my side-cutters to free myself.

That was the worst part. My thumb throbbing, pain going off in my head like the bell in the sledgehammer carnival strongman game; and laughing so hard at myself tears were rolling down my face as I wondered what the hell I was going to have to do if I couldn't get my snips.

𝕺𝖓𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉's avatar

Note to self: when stapling thumb to lumber, it is preferable to not choose something structural.

swmnguy's avatar

Can Confirm.

Also, 0 out of 4 stars; Would Not Recommend To A Friend.

Hirightnow's avatar

I just said "DAMMIT!" about a dozen times and "Thank ya Jeezus!" when I found it had missed the kneecap entirely; it didn't even start to REALLY hurt for several hours.

I have what I 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 is a sciatic thing that affects the same leg, which will start to hurt if I walk more than a few miles, and sometimes just decides to hurt on its own; finding a sleeping position that accommodates both pains was fun.

Denise Donaldson's avatar

You have my utmost sympathy about the sciatica. At its worst, nothing---and I mean NOTHING---else hurts that bad.

Hooker P Tape skipping dipshit's avatar

Wait until you find out you were sitting in poison ivy.

Whale Chowder's avatar

That actually made me LOL.

Hirightnow's avatar

It has never affected me, for some reason.

(Now I've said that, it probably will.)

Hooker P Tape skipping dipshit's avatar

It only affects about half the population. Lucky you! Good luck with the giant hole in your leg.

Hirightnow's avatar

Thanks.

(I was going to say that "it's a small hole, really" before I recalled that ANY nail hole in one's leg should be considered as "too big"...)

Cajun Kid's avatar

I’m headed to my at-least-for-now job. And it feels like I’m riding into a hopeless battle. I’m hoping and praying it goes one way, but it feels like Al I can do is hope and fight like hell.

Pere Ubu's avatar

Meanwhile I'm heading off in a couple hours to my I-will-never-fucking-escape-job of monotony after finding out over the holiday that my little sister, three years younger, is retiring at the end of the month. I went into SEVERE depression over that, among other things, the other day.

𝕺𝖓𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉's avatar

I stuck it out for years at a job that had become extremely toxic. I had kids in school. I had a mortgage. I just put my head down and signed that contract every time it came around. The funny thing is that I stuck it out, and I outlasted most of the poison people, so that by the time I left, it had become a different workplace.

But I get it. I hear you. I wish it wasn’t like that for you.

I retired in July and I’m finding that healing is taking its own sweet time to take place. It’s a journey.

Toomush Expectashuns's avatar

The trouble with retirement? You never get a day off!...

𝕺𝖓𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉's avatar

I explained it to somebody by saying we go into it thinking it’s going to be like a vacation that never ends, but instead it turns out to be like that day on the weekend you spend running errands and doing chores.

𝕺𝖓𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉's avatar

Respectfully suggest that you refocus on today, stay in the moment, do what’s put in front of you to do. When we get too far out ahead of ourselves, it’s easy to start thinking of everything that could go wrong. I have learned that the best way to prepare for an unknown future is to deal with the present.

You’ve got a job, and both feet. Wiggle those toes! Say hello to them! Carpe the fucking diem.

Chino Cherokee's avatar

FIGHT LIKE HELL KID!!!

SkeptiKC's avatar

Hold your head up high, get in there and get it DONE.

After you clock out leave those bastards wondering how in the HELL they got by without YOU for so long, my friend.

EyeQueue's avatar

You have to do what you have to to take care of yourself and health. I'm so sorry you are in this position.

In a civilized country this wouldn't even be a fucking choice.