Your 2019 Wonkette Top Ten Is Mostly Just Liveblogs And Asking For Money

YOU COME READ THESE ... oh fuck it just give us money.

HOORAY! We have made it through another godforsaken year of the Trump presidency, and we are all still alive, kind of! As we write this, we are "on vacation," and we will come back from it ... sometime . We guess! As we still have not figured out how to do the lifehack of living without a paycheck -- potential rich husbands, please note that we are currently in the best shape we have ever been in IN OUR WHOLE LIFE, and are probably down for being Hot Trophy Husband -- we guess we will come back soon.

But anyway, we are here now! And it is time to count down the top ten stories of the whole entire year! And ... well, since we impeached Donald Trump, it's mostly liveblogs. And also Wonkette asking you for money, which (REMINDER! ACHTUNG !) is the only way Wonkette continues to exist. So please give us money. 

Here are your top ten most widely read Wonkette stories of the whole entire year, along with descriptions that really don't give you any more useful information.

 10. In The Matter Of Diamond And Silk's Very Real Lawyer v. Wonkette: Bring It, Sh*thead 

That was the time Diamond and Silk's very real lawyer sent Wonkette a very legal letter, and also singlehandedly put the words "besmirch statements" into the Wonkette canon FOREVER.

 9. BALL QUEEN. 

Was this post a meatball recipe, or was it us asking you for give us money? Yes.

 8. Masha, Masha, Masha! Yovanovitch, That Is. (Impeachment Liveblog, Day Two!) 

A liveblog!

 7. Live On ALL CHANNELS, It's The Trump Impeachment! (Liveblog, Day One!) 

A liveblog!

 6. Sorry I Freaked Out At You Guys Last Night 

Was this post about "sorry I freaked out at you guys last night," or was it give us money? Yes.

 5. THE GORDON PROBLEM. Impeachment Liveblog, Day Four! 

A liveblog!

 4. Fiona Hill 'Bout To F*ck Devin Nunes UP. Impeachment Liveblog, Day Five! 

A liveblog!

 3. 'Elp! 'Elp! Wonkette Being Sued By This 40-Millionaire! 

Was this post about Wonkette being sued by a (REALLY DUMB) 40-millionaire, or was it about give us money? Yes.

 2. Brett Kavanaugh Just Made Susan Collins A Liar 

What? A post that is neither give us money nor liveblog? That cannot be true. You should probably give us money, just in case.

 1. HOLY JESUS F*CK! Your Michael Cohen Liveblog! 

Look, it's a liveblog!

In summary and in conclusion, it was a year where things happened, and that is the best we can say about it.

Onward into the shitshow that will be 2020!

We meant the thing we said about being a trophy husband, it would be fine, you must love dogs and must not look weird like Donald Trump Jr., the end.

Join us each hour on the hour for a new year-end post till midnight! Or not "us," I'm still on vacation.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE! 

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