Your Weekly Top Ten Hopes You Get Just What You Want For WAR ON CHRISTMAS

Oh hi! It is almost Christmas! As always, we want you to know that we love you and appreciate you and wish you the best Christmas your hearts desire, assuming your hearts desire Christmas. If your hearts desire something different, we hope you get that instead. So, it is your weekly top ten post, where we count down the top ten stories of the week. And we'll do that in a second!

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We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. THIS IS SERIOUS. Rep. Adam Schiff Just Hit The ‘OH FUCK!’ Button. And it's still CODE FUCKING RED.

2. This Trump Tweet Is A Goddamn Masterpiece. A true work of Trump art!

3. Hero Alabama Dad Who Lost Gay Daughter Went On Ellen To Make You Laugh And Cry And SHUT UP YOU ARE. Watch it and get your heart warmed all over again!

4. Something Seems More Wrong With Donald Trump Jr.’s Face Than Usual. And oh boy, is that sayin' somethin'.

5. Jill Stein Under Investigation Now, Probably For Being Too Right. What else would it be for?

6. Ben Carson Says Grace Before Mike Pence Eats Trump’s Ass. Best headline of the year? OR BEST OF ALL TIME?

7. T he Week In Garbage Men: Misogynists Now Call Women Who Agree With Them ‘Tradthots’. Oh, their silly nicknames!

8. BUT HIS EMAILS!: More Lies From Trumpland, Because Bullshit Doesn’t Take The Weekend Off. It better fucking take THIS weekend off.

9. Everyone in Congress Is FREAKING OUT About Possible Rumored Sex Scandal Bombshell List. WHO WILL BE NEXT?

10. Sean Hannity Steps On Dick And Eats It: A Play In One Very Short Act. One of the fastest self-owns we have EVER seen.

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

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Yours in baby Jesus,

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