Your Weekly Top Ten Is Dating Beto O'Rourke Now, Be Very Jealous

YOU COME READ YOUR TOP TEN STORIES RIGHT NOW!

Hello, Wonkers! Yes, it is true, we are dating Beto O'Rourke now, but we are willing to share, because it seems that everybody is dating Beto O'Rourke now, ever since the Texas GOP decided to ZING him by showing everybody how he has always been gorgeous and he used to be in a band and sometimes he skateboards. He probably even had sex sometimes!

Poor Ted Cruz, that dude must be so stressed right now he's probably masturbating into empty soup cans even more than usual, ALLEGEDLY.

Anyway, shall we count down our top ten stories? We shall.

Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. Hey Paul Manafort! You Freakin' Out, Buddy? 

9. Pour One Out For Ol' WALNUTS! 

8. Let's Talk About Don Jr. And His Mob Lawyer Alan Futerfas! 

7. Let's End A Rollicking Sex Week With Some Juicy Bouncy POLL PORN! 

6. The Trump Organization Is Sooooooooooo Fuuuuuuuuuucked 

5. Mazie Hirono Ready To Keep Kicking Trump's Okole 

4. Sarah Palin Responds To John McCain's Death By Whining About Nicolle Wallace (Because She's A Dick) 

3. Maybe Lindsey Graham Is Just A Piece Of Shit 

2. President Zen Master Totally Losing His Shit Right Now, So That's New And Different 

1. GOP Will Beat Beto O'Rourke By Showing Texas How Fuckable Beto Is 

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

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OK now you get kid pics:

Let's see ... anything else? NOPE.

OK this post is over now, goodbye.

Love,

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