Discover more from Wonkette
Your Weekly Top Ten Is NOT A HORSE OR A GOOSE OR A CUPCAKE, OK?
Hello, Wonkers! It is time for your weekly top ten post, where we count down the top ten posts. In celebration of that, enjoy the above video of Wonkette toddler SPLAINING YOU that she is not a horse and she is not a goose and she is not a swan and she is DEFINITELY not a cupcake? You get it, idiot? Good.
We'll count down your stories in a sec, but first MONEY PARAGRAPH. You see, we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE! So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able -- DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT -- then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 361, Polson MT 59860 (new P.O box address! Update your address book!). Whatever, just please support us any way you can.
For instance, you could BUY ALL THE HATS! One says "IMPEACH!" (See below.) The others say "HELL. NO." AND "LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE 2020." Click here for more info!
There are many other products in Ye Olde Wonkette Generale Store! You should buy them!
Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, encouraging you to throw your wallets at us OW OW OW YOUR WALLET IS HEAVY LIKE A BRICK:
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW
We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:
1. An Open Letter To All The Sexual Predators Now Waiting For Their Own Shit To Hit The Fan. Robyn wrote this last week, and it's even more important this week!
2. Meet Roy Moore Lawyer ‘Trenton.’ Trenton Just Chewed His Own Dick Off On MSNBC. Oh, Trenton! Trenton is our NEW FAVORITE, by which we mean he's awful.
3. LOL Michael Flynn Is So Fucked. He SURE IS.
4. Goodbye MAGA Doug, Rootin’-Tootinest Trump Troll In The Whole Wide World. We hope he has fun the rest of his Russian life!
5. You Broke My Heart, Franken. Well, he did.
6. Rush Limbaugh Explains Roy Moore Only Wanted To Fuck Kids Because He Was A Democrat. You'd think that was rock bottom, but no.
7. Stupidest Man On Internet, On Roy Moore: 14-Year-Olds Weren’t Actually Children In 1979. That wasn't rock bottom either.
8. Hey Jeff Sessions! Gonna Do Perjuries To Congress Today? Let’s Liveblog And Find Out! Sure seemed like it!
10. And finally, The Week In Garbage Men: All Of Them, Katie. ALL OF THEM.
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!
Oh, hey, sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT:
Now you get a present! It is a picture of Wonkette toddler, being silly:
Yours in Christ,
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.