Your Weekly Top Ten Is We Don't Feel Like Making A Creative Headline Right Now

YOU COME READ YOUR TOP TEN STORIES RIGHT NOW!

Mar 02, 2019

Hola , Wonkers! Editrix is still in Mexico (AND SHE IS STILL WORKING ON THE WEEKDAYS, OK?) but they are heading back to Montana, where it is cold and : (

We on the other hand have been where it is cold and : ( the entire time, but March is doing that coming in like a lion thing, so hopefully it will do the lamb thing next, WHAR'S YOUR GLOBAL WARMING, LIBS? Dunno, but we could use some right now.

Anyway, it's time for your top ten stories of the week, where we count down the top ten stories of the week, as is pretty self-explanatory. Also, we must remind you that we are all weary and exhausted and work very hard for you, and there are no ads up in this motherfucker, which means all our salaries are paid by YOU, OUR DEAR LOVING READERS. So hit those donate buttons at the bottom, OK?

Shall we count down? Yes, we shall.

Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. Elijah Cummings Dad-Splained Michael Cohen And Made Him (And America!) Cry

9. Dinesh D'Souza Does To Poetry What He's Done To History, By A Doctor Of Rhetoric

8. Matt Gaetz Isn't Threatening Michael Cohen, He's Just Saying Something Bad Might Happen If He Testifies

7. Roger Stone's Interns Seem Nice

6. Michael Cohen's Going To Fuck Trump On Live TV Tomorrow, And HE'S BRINGING RECEIPTS

5. 80-Year-Old KKK-Loving Alabama Editor Ready To 'Sex Young Ladies'

4. 12-Year-Old Reporter Makes Arizona Cop Look Like Doofus, Because He Is One

3. If You Saw Jacob Wohl At A Hipster Coffee Shop, You'd Go Find A Policeman

2. Michael Cohen Intermission: WHO ELSE IS (MAYBE) GOING TO JAIL?

1. HOLY JESUS FUCK! Your Michael Cohen Liveblog!