

Discover more from Wonkette
Your Weekly Top Ten Triumphantly Concludes Another Week Of Michael Cohen Falling Into His Own Asshole
Oh hey, Wonkers, it is Top Ten time, and we are going to make this even more faster than usual because on top of how we are exhausted by this latest week of MICHAEL COHEN'S BULLSHIT, our Friday (which is when we write this) was some real bullshit for NON-WONKETTE reasons we will not elaborate on right now. Suffice it to say that a good #LifeHack, if you are selling property THAT HAS TENANTS to a new person, is to make sure everybody is on the same page when it comes to things like keeping utilities turned on through the transition. We are just gently saying!
OK, we will count down some posts in a sec.
First, let's pay the bills, because those are important. You see, we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE, especially now that it's 2018 and we have a chance to TAKE THIS COUNTRY BACK! Or at least Congress!
So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able -- DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT -- then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 361, Polson MT 59860. Whatever, just please support us any way you can.
Another way you can do that is to BUY WONKETTE SWAG! There MANY products in Ye Olde Wonkette Generale Store! You are interested in purchasing them all!
Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, encouraging you to throw your wallets at us OW OW OW YOUR WALLET IS HEAVY LIKE A BRICK:

YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW
Did we mention we love you?
We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:
1. Fuck Are All These Russians Doing In Michael Cohen’s Sex Payoff Slush Fund????? The original Michael Cohen Falls Into His Own Asshole post, at least for this week!
2. We Watched Trump’s Weak Loser NRA Speech So You Don’t Have To. GAH IT WAS DUMB.
3. Everybody Who Maybe Bribed Michael Cohen Needs To STOP FUCKING TALKING RIGHT NOW. Unfortunately for them, they did not take Wonkette's advice.
4. Michael Avenatti Just Being Sexy, Saying Rudy Giuliani Is A Damn Fool, Being Sexy Some More. He is very good at all three of those things.
5. How Long Do We Have To Listen To White Dudes Whine Before They Are Officially Uncensored? PROBABLY FOREVER.
6. Rachel Maddow Has Questions About Michael Cohen, And They Are All LOLOL THE FUCK YOU SAY? As we said just above, all those companies KEPT TALKING.
7. Hey Trump, YOU BEEN FUCKIN’? The Entire Internet Is Just Curious! WELL HAS HE?
8. A Post About Devin Nunes By A Guy Who’s Seen Seven Episodes Of ‘The Americans’. And now we have seen TWELVE.
9. Fox News Shitmouth Has Thoughts About John McCain, To Shit Out His Mouth. Seems to be going around!
10. Deleted Comments: Attack Of Multi-Troll Almost Distracted Us From Arizona Legislator’s Furry Saga. Shot! Chaser!
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!
OK anyway bye! Don't do anything we wouldn't do this weekend!
Yours in baby Jesus,
Wonkette
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.
Wonkette salaries and servers are fully paid for by YOU! Please pay our salaries.
Your Weekly Top Ten Triumphantly Concludes Another Week Of Michael Cohen Falling Into His Own Asshole
Holy moley.
I finally watched the Rachel episode that was #6. Thanks.