You're Not Gonna Believe This, But Erik Prince Lied To Congress

Full of shit.

Remember when we liveblogged Erik Prince's very long testimony to the House Intelligence Committee (HPSCI)? Remember what a surly little twat he was? Remember how little regard he had for the fact that he was testifying before a congressional committee? (Which still counts even if it is Devin Nunes's Funtimes Treason Committee of Lies and LOLs.) Remember how Prince thought he was the one who decided when the hearing was over, and congressmen from both sides of the aisle were like "who does this babyfaced snothole think he is?"

Unfortunately, committee Republicans didn't actually do anything to verify the things Prince told them, because, shock of all shocks, it turns out Erik Prince lied his face off about his January 2017 Russian conspiracy meeting in the Seychelles. Did he lie about other stuff too? Oh, we bet! But we officially know he lied about his meeting with Russian rich dude Kirill Dmitriev, head of a Russian state-owned investment fund.

The  Washington Post  broke the news late Wednesday:

Special counsel Robert S. Mueller III has gathered evidence that a secret meeting in Seychelles just before the inauguration of Donald Trump was an effort to establish a back channel between the incoming administration and the Kremlin [....]

In January 2017, Erik Prince, the founder of the private security company Blackwater, met with a Russian official close to Russian President Vladi­mir Putin and later described the meeting to congressional investigators as a chance encounter that was not a planned discussion of U.S.-Russia relations.

A witness cooperating with Muellerhas told investigators the meeting was set up in advance so that a representative of the Trump transition could meet with an emissary from Moscow to discuss future relations between the countries,according to the people familiar with the matter, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss sensitive matters.

George Nader, a Lebanese American businessman who helped organize and attended the Seychelles meeting, has testified on the matter before a grand jury gathering evidence about discussions between the Trump transition team and emissaries of the Kremlin, as part of Mueller’s investigation into Russian efforts to interfere with the 2016 election.

Told you Mueller's new buddy George Nader knows stuff. 

Anyway, LET'S GO TO THE TAPE! Here is what Erik Prince testified to Congress, as lovingly summarized with dick jokes added by yr Wonkette (please click our links to confirm our dick jokes are accurate, as usual):

Prince says he met with the guy because his Emirati pals said he should, since the Russian was there to visit with them too. What a lucky duck that the sheik’s people invited them both to Seychelles at the same time! Erik Prince’s God works in mysterious ways.

And how did Prince’s rendezvous with the Russian come about? It was totally chill, bro! One of the sheik’s brothers told him to go meet the guy, but didn’t personally introduce them. Said he’d be in the bar. So Erik Prince had dinner (he thinks he was by himself), then he went to the bar and asked Jeeves to find a picture of the guy, because the last thing you want to do in Seychelles is start hitting on the wrong Russian dude. (Literally he says he Googled the guy’s picture.) He thinks they were alone, but maybe the Russian’s wife was there. He can’t remember. “I think she was there for the first few minutes, and then she left.” Who the fuck knows? Not Erik Prince.

After his ONE BEER WITH THE RUSSIAN, he said “Seacrest out!” and went to the gym, to tone his sexxx body. He remembers that part!

Lying little Aryan fucksack.

Amusingly, in his testimony, Prince did seem to accidentally suggest that intel intercepts of the meeting might blow his cover story. His cover story also seemed to accidentally suggest that he and the Russian talked about ripping up the US sanctions on Russia, which is kind of the entire quid pro quo that seems to be at the heart of the plan to install Trump as America's first Dipshit Emperor:

How would one achieve "normal trade relations" between Russia and the US and A? DING DING DING, FIRST STEP IS GET RID OF SANCTIONS!

Out of all the Trump people who are going to prison, we think we will enjoy watching Little Golden Boy Erik's perp walk the best, because he is just ABOVE ALL THIS, or at least he thinks he is.

On Wednesday, we talked about how it seems likely that the "Trump-Russia conspiracy" is really part of a much larger and much more opportunistic worldwide plan cooked up by Russian oligarchs and Emirati sheiks and various and sundry other fuckheads like Erik Prince to make them all SO VERY RICH on the backs of the the other 7.6 billion people in the world AKA common folks. Erik Prince is the effing face case for that. This shit-eating bastard has been mercenary for DECADES! He wants Trump to give him Afghanistan, as a mercenary colony! It will make him so very powerful and he will get erections without pills and everything, allegedly! He will officially be a BIG MAN, as opposed to the sadistic Bible-beating trash with Little Man Syndrome we all know he is.

Yeah well. Not if Robert Mueller has anything to say about it, we suspect.

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[ Washington Post ]